Company luncheons are a time for comradery
and relaxation. Sometimes they’re made uncomfortable by the poor manners of
your companions.
A few months ago, some of my company’s
managers decided to take all of the administrative assistants out to lunch for
Administrative Professional’s Day. A new restaurant had opened in a neighboring
suburb and that was where it was going to be held. Normally, this would have
been great, but some of the other assistants aren’t my cup of tea, but I
decided to make the best of it. How bad could it be?
When we all got to the restaurants, I was
immediately struck by its beauty of its décor. It reminded me of a place Don
Draper would have taken a client. The music was a mix of old and modern jazz
with Sinatra thrown in for good measure. As we were seated at a round table,
the complaints slowly began to start.
“What’s with this music?” Christine, a
sales manager, asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t get it,” Mark, another
sales manager answered.
I tried to keep my eyes in place. I
resisted every urge to roll them at the nonsense I was hearing. As our drink
orders were taken, I sat still and quiet.
I was seated in between my department
manager, Garth and a sales assistant named Lauren. On the other side of Lauren
was Jocelyn. Need I say more? If you’ve
read my previous blog posts, you know she grates me. With her being pregnant,
she was especially insufferable. Lauren, however, is awesome.
As the appetizers made their way to the
table, small talk was made. The conversation turned towards children, which was
just the opening Jocelyn needed to dominate the conversation and talk about her
pregnancy. This opened the floor for Mark and the local sales manager,
Anderson, to talk at length about their wives’ pregnancies. Oh joy.
“You’re coming back to work after this
baby, right? Anderson asked. “Because most women don’t.”
“Wow,” I thought. “How inappropriate and
incredibly sexist of you”
“Yeah, I’m coming back. My first maternity
leave was fine until the last three weeks. I had to get out of the house. I was
looking forward to my husband coming home.”
Twenty minutes of marriage and baby talk
was a bit much for me. I confess, as a single, childless thirty-something, I
would have preferred the electric chair than enduring more of the table’s
dialogue.
“This artichoke dip isn’t that great,”
balked Anderson.
“They forgot my soup,” Mark complained.
As the waiter walked past they complained
louder instead of stopping him. There were 9 people in our party. It wasn’t
like they ignored us. Plus, there was a larger party having what I presumed was
a business lunch as well.
“Excuse me,” Garth said to the waiter. “We’re
missing a soup.”
The waiter apologized profusely and asked
what kind of soup it was. In less than two minutes, the soup was on the table
and ready for consumption.
“Well, his tip just got smaller,” sneered
Mark.
By the time our meals came, I was beyond
annoyed. As we ate, Jocelyn decided to regale the table with stories of every
restaurant that she worked at in college. She waxed poetic about one restaurant’s
gazpacho while constantly rubbing her ever present baby bump. Anytime someone
mentioned their meal, she rubbed her baby bump while make a noise similar to a
horse whinnying. She pretty much made the noise whenever food was mentioned
even at the office. She compared her plate of food one of her former
workplaces.
“This soup is so gross,” Mark said
dramatically putting his spoon in the soup’s bowl.
“I’m not impressed,” complained Anderson. “We
don’t need to ever come back here.”
Honestly, I liked the place. The ambiance
was great and my salmon was wonderful. It was some of my lunch companions that
were abysmal.
When we got back to the office, I was
ready for everyone to go back to their respective departments. What started out
as a gesture of gratitude turned into an infuriating affair.
A midday lunch can be the rest you need from
a hectic workday. When breaking bread, try to choose the best company for the
meal. If you have no choice, eat, and stay quiet. That’s what I did.
