Turn(ed) Down for What?

     No one likes rejection. Sometimes you’re just not feeling someone’s vibe. You aren’t trying to be mean, but you just don’t mesh. Can you ever reject someone politely? 

     As I’ve gotten older, I have had to reject the advances of quite a few guys. I’m no Naomi Campbell, but I am much more attractive at 30 than I ever was as a teenager. I, myself was not always aesthetically pleasing, so I try to let men down gently when I’m not attracted to them. As you may have guessed, my polite vetoes are not always well received. Some guys get quite upset and downright rude, while others simply move forward.

     One night, when Liza and I decided to blow off some steam and go dancing, I was faced with this dilemma head on. I was approached by a guy who wasn’t quite my speed. We had just sat back down after dancing when a guy walked over and approached me. He had been with a large party about 10 ft. away. I’d spied one of the other guys at the table looking at me earlier, but I didn’t think anything of it.

     “Hey, how are you doing tonight?” the guy said standing in front of me.

    “Good,” I said inhaling the strong odor of PBR off his breath involuntarily.

     “I saw you on the dance floor,” he said.

     “Oh?”

     I noticed his friend who’d been looking at me, now burning a hole through me. His friend was more my speed. He also wasn’t in my face yammering about a boat show while reeking of cheap beer.

     “Is that your friend over there?” I asked interrupting the torrent of words.

     “Yeah, that’s Chris.”

     “Is he single too?”

     “Yes, he is.”

     “Could you tell him to come over here?” I asked.

     I confess, it sounded more polite in my head. Liza shot me a look of disbelief upon hearing my question. Only then did my words hit me.

     When negating someone’s advances, the best thing is to be polite but firm. How they take it is something that you have no control over. The important thing is that you remember how much moxie it takes to approach someone. Be considerate of that.

 

The Crying Game

     Crying is a natural part of the human experience. Everyone from infants to the elderly shed tears. However, crying is often used as a tool. The question remains, when is it ok to cry?

     I’m not a big proponent of crying. In fact, the older I get, the more uncomfortable crying makes me. Tears of joy or at a funeral are one thing, but just crying for the sake of crying is odd to me. My strained relationship with tears started when I was about 8 years old. One of my mother’s friends, “Aunt” Melba, was a habitual tear jerker. After one too many drinks, she would start to reminisce about her past divorces and failed relationships. My natural instinct as a child was to attempt to comfort her. This was a bad idea. She would sob uncontrollably, which made me panicked and scared. The whole thing was rather jarring. To this day, I have no patience for people who get drunk and start crying.

     Having just recently left my twenties, I’ve seen improperly used tears galore. I’ve seen crying fits over relationships shorter than Kim Kardashian’s previous marriage. Countless times I’ve witnessed tears used as a weapon of guilt to keep someone in a relationship they are desperately trying to leave. I can’t lie; I’ve had tears used on me. (Yes, men do it too.) I try to avoid crying. It isn’t that I’m too strong to cry. It’s that my life has no place for useless tears, dwelling on the past or pointless causes in it. Do I cry? Yes. Will you ever see it? Probably not. Unless I win the lottery, we’re at the same funeral, or I am at my wit’s end, you won’t have a front row seat to my tears.

      I especially don’t cry over men. I’ve only cried over two men in my life. When my first boyfriend and I broke up my freshman year of college, I cried.  The next and last time was over a boyfriend who had also been my best friend for much of my college career. He and I had even talked about getting engaged. When he and I broke up, I cried so much my eyes were swollen and red for days. It got the point that my eyes wouldn’t produce tears. I tried to cry to get the feeling left over out of my body. No such luck. I just had to deal with it. Even then, I never did it in public and my family never knew what was going on. In all honesty, few people knew what was going on. I promised myself after that relationship, to never cry over a man as long as I lived. I’ve kept my promise. When my relationships end, I move forward. My wounds don’t weaken me; they make me stronger.

     There’s no shame in crying. If we weren’t meant to cry, we wouldn’t be born with tear ducts. That being said, there is a way to go about it. As Joan from Mad Men once told a colleague crying in the break room, “There’s a place to do that – like your apartment.”

What Can Brown Do for You?

     We all know a well-placed compliment can work wonders. We’ve all heard the phrase, “Flattery will get you everywhere.” How true is that statement? When does it go from flattery to insincere words?

     At my job, corporate visits bring out the best and worst in people. The whole office hurries about like a woman preparing for a first date. People are never as productive during a work day as they are the day of a corporate visit.  Everyone is in tip top shape. No sooner do high level executives hit our door, do false compliments begin to flow like water out of the mouths of employees and managers alike. Part of me always wonders if these compliments are ever taken seriously. The compliments are anything from their appearance to how eloquent they speak. Some of these compliments are accurate, while others couldn’t be further from the truth.

     Flattery makes you feel good. There isn’t a person on Earth that doesn’t like a little honey on their ears. There is a limit to how far you can go. At some point it will become untrue. A compliment should be unique just like the person it is intended for.

     A compliment is a wonderful thing. It can add perk to a dreary day. A false compliment may slip by the first few times, but after a while it is chalked up to shameless brown nosing. False compliments are a waste of the speaker’s air and the listener’s time.