The Best Policy

 

     From the time we’re children, we’re taught that we should always be honest. As we grow older, the waters get murky. We lie to get jobs, we lie to gain popularity among our peers, and we even lie in relationships.  Is the truth really something we want?

     As a little girl, I was taught to always be honest.  Having been raised by Baptist minister grandfather, I knew since infancy that honesty was important to character. However, my honesty often got me in trouble when I was a kid.

     I am reminded of an incident that happened in kindergarten that landed me in the “unhappy corner”. At show and tell a little girl was waxing poetic about becoming a big sister after the stork visited her house. I knew this was untrue. Months earlier my grandfather had told me the truth. My grandmother was too embarrassed to tackle my curiosity as to how “people were made.” Luckily, my grandfather was not so easily shocked.

     “What, Crystal?” my teacher sighed as my hand shot in the air.

     “That’s not true!” I shouted.

     “Yes, it is,” the girl protested.

     “No, it’s not,” I countered.

    

     “Storks don’t deliver babies. Your parents had sex,” I said confidently.

     My teacher was in shock. Seconds passed in absolute silence, which is amazing in a kindergarten class.

    “Crystal Demps! To the Unhappy Corner!” my teacher shouted.

     “But I told the truth!” I shouted as my teacher forcefully escorted me to the stool in the corner.

    I sat in the corner fuming.  It felt like I was facing the wall for hours. Eventually, my teacher came in to talk to me as the other children played outside during recess.

  

      

     “Crystal, face forward,” my teacher ordered.

     I turned around slowly. My time in the corner had changed me. I was insolent and flippant.

     “Do you know why you’re in the corner?”

     “Because I should’ve lied,” I said sharply.

     “No. You should always tell the truth.”

     “Then why are you punishing me?”

     “Natalie’s going to go home and ask her parents questions that they’re not ready for.”

     “She can come over my house. My grandpa will answer anything,” I said proudly.

    “That isn’t the point.”

    “I’m in trouble for telling the truth?” I asked.

     “No.”

     “Can I go play?”

     “No. I think it’s best you stay in here for the rest of recess.”

     “I told the truth,” I reasoned.

     My teacher gave me one last look and headed back outside to the other children. In that moment I learned the real truth: People don’t want to hear honesty. Especially, out of a kindergartner.

     As an adult, I’m still honest. I’ve learned that some situations warrant silence instead of the truth. Honesty is not something everyone can handle. Ignorance is easier to digest for some people, and that the honest truth.

 

Stay Out of the Shade

     Less than subtle insults have been around since the dawn of man. Even the nicest people are subject to them without fair warning. When faced with such rudeness, you have a decision to make. Should you stand in the sun or throw a little “shade” of your own to the offending party?

     I’m reminded of an incident in college when someone attempted to block out my sunshine. I was with my friend, Miguel and we were heading to our college’s courtyard to meet up with some mutual acquaintances. It was a gorgeous day that begged to be enjoyed. As Miguel and I spoke to our friends, I noticed an unfamiliar face. Sensing this, my friend, Julian decided to make an introduction.

     “Crystal,” Julian said. “This is Nina.”

     “Hi, Nina. I’m…”

     “Demps,” she interrupted. “I’ve heard of you.”

     The stage was set and we were merely players. I couldn’t pick this girl out of a line up and she was pitching me attitude? Game on.

     “I like your sunglasses, “she said.

     “Thank you, “I said thinking the situation was perking up.

     “My sunglasses are knockoffs too, but they’re cute.” She said with a grin.

     Miguel shot me a look. He’s been my friend long enough to know this wasn’t going to end well.

     “Mine aren’t fake. I got them from Neiman’s,” I said.

     “What’s Neiman’s?” she asked puzzled.

     “Exactly,” I said narrowing my gaze.

     “Okay,” Miguel said sensing imminent trouble. “Julian, we’re gonna get going. I’m starving and Demps could use some water to cool off.”

     I confess, I’ve always been good with one liners and quips. It’s genetic. Wit is a requirement on my mother’s side of the family.

     “I thought you were going to scratch her eyes out,” Miguel said as we headed to the car.

     “She started it. Besides I wouldn’t ruin my polish on her.”

     Insults are sometimes unavoidable. No matter how blatant or subtle, they’re still insults. How you react is completely up to you

 

 

Beware of the Leapfrog

On the weekends there is nothing better than having plans. It breaks up the monotony of the work week. What happens when you get an invite only to find it’s for someone else?

One Friday evening, I was hanging out with a bunch of friends and acquaintances. One associate and I started to talk. As we chatted, we made plans to hang out the next day.  I had some appointments in the morning and afternoon but promised to make contact after that.

The next day as promised, I texted to see what was up. As it turned out she was free. Then something curious happened. She asked if a mutual friend was available.  At the time I thought nothing of it. When I mentioned that he was already at an engagement, she said she’d check around to see if anything else was going on. As you might have already guessed, that call/text never came. If she wanted to hang out with the other friend, why not invite them instead?  Why “leap” over someone?

The lesson I learned is that when plans are being formed, make sure they won’t fall through. I also learned to make sure the person actually wants to have plans with you. If you’re just a “place holder”, don’t waste your time. Time is a precious thing; don’t waste it on invites you weren’t meant for.