All Together Now

     Family vacations can create both joy and lasting memories. They also can be strained and sometimes frustrating when people are too close in proximity.

     My friend, Liza and her husband, Declan, often go with their children to visit Declan's father and step-mother in Annapolis, MD. The kids love being there and Declan and Liza have ball also. Their vacations would almost be picturesque if it weren't for Declan's step-mother's younger sister, Christine. She is snippy and always makes snide remarks about Liza's parenting. This would almost be tolerable if it weren't for Christine's own style of mothering. Christine's daughter, Ana, is seven years old and, has her own ipad and anything else she wants. In addition, Christina just got married to the man she'd been having an affair with from her office. She's only been divorced a few years. His two sons spend every other week with Christina, Ana, and their father.

     As if this weren't enough to contend with, Christina lives about five minutes away from Declan's father. Whenever Liza and her family come from Michigan, Christina is there too. Even family vacations that are meant for just the children to bond with their grandfather aren't safe from intrusion. She and her daughter constantly show up. Christine's daughter, Ana, is spoiled and often never wants to what everyone else is doing. She goes out of her way to be disagreeable until "special" allowances are made for her. Declan's step-mother, Renata, doesn't make the arrangement any easier. She acts as though she and Christina can't be separated. She also caters to Christina and her family even though Liza's family is there from out of state. Even Liza's children have subtly expressed wanting to spend time with their grandfather and step-grandmother without Ana. Also, whenever Liza's daughter receives a gift, Ana immediately wants the same thing.  She, of course, is given what she wants. This past Christmas, Declan's father, Mark, came to Michigan with Renata to visit. Liza told me that Renata wasn't in the house an hour and she and Christine were having face time on their iphones. The only reason that they didn't have their usual daily calls is because Christina was in England visiting her new husband's family. It's an odd arrangement.

     The family dynamic can be wonderful. With it, however, should come respect. Respect of boundaries, courteous conduct, and respectful speech are the cornerstones of any family vacation. This doesn't always happen and that is what causes problems.



The pioneers of bad family vacations