Labeling Theory

     What's in a name? Shakespeare asked that question ages ago and we still are trying to figure it out. Do we need labels or are they unnecessary as long as we know our "place"? I believe labels are necessary to keep things defined. I especially feel that labels are important in terms of romantic relationships to reduce ambiguity and confusion.

     I am reminded of a girl's night out a few years ago with two of my best friends from high schools. My friends Christina, Talia, and I had finally been able to hang out in spite of our work and college class schedules. My friend, Christina had been all abuzz about the new guy that she'd been seeing. They'd spent Sweetest Day together, she'd bought him gifts and even made dinner at his apartment every time she was over, which was fairly often. Talia and I listened intently. The conversation went well until I asked, "How long have you two been dating?" My friend, Talia immediately lowered her eyes into her martini.

     "What do you mean?" Christina asked.

     "I mean, how long has he been your boyfriend?" I asked confused. I thought I had made my question quite clear.

     "He's not my boyfriend."
 
      I imagine shock slowly spread across my face. She'd bought him gifts, cooked dinner for not only him but also his roommates, and even cleaned his house while he was at work. Why would someone do that for someone that they care nothing for?

     "We know what we are to each other. We don't need a title."

     My friend, Talia smiled slyly. She knew that I was about to explode. I've never been good at hiding emotion on my face. I wouldn't have had such a reaction if it weren't for the fact Christina has a track record of being with men that treat her poorly. Due to this Talia and I are protective her.

     "If you're good enough to do girlfriend things, you're good enough for the title," I responded.

     "A title complicates things. We're happy the way it is."

      "We or him?" I asked pointedly.

     Don't misunderstand me, I have made mistakes in relationships, but I made them with my boyfriends. It wasn't some guy with a phantom title that I happily floated in relationship limbo with.

      Talia just shook her head at the situation. We both felt the same, but I tend to be a little more vocal. Later that night I ended up meeting the guy in question at a party that was going on later that night.

     "You won't like him," Talia assured me as we headed through the party's door.

     "I might," I conceded.

     "Trust me, you won't."

     The scene was a little young for my taste, but I made the best of it. I danced to the music and laughed with my friends. As we were talking, a tall, medium built guy bumped into Christina. He smiled subtly and walked away.

      "And that, is Lee," Talia whispered in my ear.

     I am not afraid to tell you that I was not impressed.

     Lee strode past us and immediately went over to a group of girls and began flirting and dancing with them. Their giggles echoed through the venue. Both Talia and I turned toward Christina silently.

     "That's the relationship we have," Christina replied trying to save face.

     "No, that's what you choose to accept," I quietly fumed.

     Eventually, the night came to a close and both Talia and I headed back to our hometown. We both were unnerved by Christina's "relationship" but decided to be supportive for her sake. About eight months later, Christina found out why she couldn't have a title: Another girl in a neighboring city already had it. In fact, she'd had it for a little over three years.

     Labels serve a purpose. Sometimes things need to be concrete instead of left to chance. Most importantly, in a relationship you should always know your worth. Never settle being a brush stroke in some one's big picture.