Don't Wait Up!

     There are few things more rude than someone standing up another person. It is a waste of your time and completely thoughtless. That being said, you don't have to take that person's behavior lying down.

    A few weeks ago, I was eating dinner at the bar of one my favorite downtown haunts, when an attractive older gentlemen started chatting me up. He gave me his card and encouraged me to call him. About two weeks later I decided to do just that. We set up a date for that coming Friday. We agreed that either one of us would call to confirm with the other.

    On Thursday, the day before our date, I called to confirm. I left a message. When I didn't hear back that night I decided we didn't have a date. On Friday, I took myself out to dinner after work and chatted with friends who were at the same restaurant. I went home and didn't think on it. Besides, I had a date the next day. In my opinion, someone who is that rude doesn't deserve my time.


Alexander Graham Bell invented it for a reason. Use it.

     The next day as I was getting ready for my date, my line beeped. It was him. I was on the phone with my aunt, so I ignored him. When the line beeped again I decided to click over and let him have it.

     "Hello," I said not masking the irritation in my voice.

     "Hey, it's Rich."

     "Uh-huh."

     "What are you doing today?" he asked.

     "I have plans. Our date was yesterday." I exploded.

     "Yeah. I know. I'm at Blackstone's. Come down," Rich said confidently.

     "I have plans. Our date was yesterday." I exploded.

     "Yeah. I know. Come down."

     Now I was really angry.

     "No. I have plans and I don't take kindly to being stood up. If you couldn't have made it on Friday, you should have called or texted. You should have called me back on Thursday," I fumed.

     "Yeah, I know I am an asshole with my phone."

     "To say the least," I countered.

     "I'm trying to make it up to you," he said sounding indignant.

     I wasn't having it.

     "No. I. Am. Busy."

     "I thought we'd have a late lunch."

     "No. Our date was yesterday at Da'Edoardo's and today my day is spoken for."

     "If you want to come down here and punch me in the face, I understand."

     What a pompous jerk!

     "I don't assault people. I have things to do."

    He was in mid sentence when I'd heard enough. I hung up on him. Normally, I don't do that to people, but my buffoonery quota was met for the day.

     As I headed to my date, he called again. I didn't pick up. I'm certain the call was the result of liquid courage brought on by a few shots of Glenfiddich.

     Bad behavior persists because good people tolerate it. I will not put up with disrespect or having my time wasted because of a another person's lack of regard. No one should accept this as appropriate. No one stands me up. Time waits for no man and neither does Crystal S. Demps.

Call Me, Maybe?

     As a single girl, the exchange of a phone number can be the beginning of infinite possibilities. It can also be frustrating when a guy takes your number, chats you up, and never calls ( i.e. wastes your time), or worse, calls like their going to outlaw phones in a week. Why is the telephone so troubling?

     Last December, I gave my number to a guy who I'd met and seemed interesting. He promised to call and he did. Endlessly. He called when I was at work, when I was in the shower, when I was getting ready for bed, and when I was just breathing. Don't misunderstand me, I like when a guy calls, but blowing up my phone is not only irritating, it's desperate. When a person gives you their number, by all means use it. There is no need to bombard the person with calls.

    On the flipside, a guy taking my number and never calling is beyond infuriating. I hate to have my time wasted. If you have no intention of calling, don't bother me. A couple of weeks ago, I ran into a guy who'd taken my number months ago. He came over and spoke to me. I was civil but nothing more. I could tell he hoped I might ask why he hadn't called and possibly offer my number again. No such luck. I refuse to keep doling out my number when you'd made no attempt to use it in a timely fashion the first time.

Communication is the key to life. When there is a lack or over abundance of it, there is bound to be problems. As with most things there needs to be a balance. If you are interested in a person, take their number and communicate. Just don't overdo it. If you aren't interested, don't take the number at all. Either way, it's a phone; Not a grenade missing its pin. Relax.

Scoundrels at the Symphony

     Classical music is one of the best forms of music on the planet. Often the composers are just as complex as their pieces. Watching a symphony can be a great experience, unless it is tarnished by those around you.

     Last November, my friend, Liza and her husband, Declan, joined friends to see Brahms pieces performed by the local symphony orchestra. They had amazing seats and were ready to take in a night of culture. Too bad the others weren't. Seated to Liza's left were another married couple.

    "Do you know a lot about classical music?" the wife asked Liza.

     "I know a little bit."

     "Do you know if Brahms' wife had an affair with another composer? I'd heard that and I wasn't sure."

     Liza was dumbfounded. Who asks that? Most importantly, who cares? Liza politely told her she didn't know anything about it. This lady was only getting started. During the performance, she asked her husband for a pen. Liza, being the optimist that she is, thought she was taking notes. Instead, the wife took out a Sudoku puzzle book and started straight away at one of the puzzles.

     By the time intermission started, Liza was ready for a break. When she headed downstairs to grab quick refreshments, she was startled. Most of the people were dressed completely inappropriately. By this, I mean flannel shirts

 and jeans. Keep in mind that this was at the symphony not a Nirvana tribute concert. Those not wearing jeans only had on khakis in their place.

When the intermission was over, Liza decided to block out the nonsense around her and focus on the music. She let the music paint lush landscapes in her mind and ended up having a wonderful evening.

Whether you're at the symphony or on your porch, the behavior of others can be jarring. The best thing to do is keep moving forward and enjoy the world around you.

Crushed

     At some point in every one's life, you experience having a crush. That stomach flip whenever they speak to you or walk by is sometimes all you need to make your day better. Crushes are fine, but are you ever too old for them? Do crushes have age limits?

     I am coming clean. I have a crush... at 29 years old. This crush isn't like any I've ever experienced. I can't shake this one. Usually, a crush only lasts about a month for me. This one has lasted about a year and a half. We are definitely opposite. He's a lot more reserved than me. Then again, who isn't? If you look up extrovert in the dictionary, my picture is by it. I know he's attracted to me, but I can't help but wonder what he's waiting for. Don't misunderstand me, my life isn't on pause. I meet people and I go out on dates. I've even had boyfriends, but it's something about him that I can't give up on.

This is how I am trying to avoid feeling.

     When I like a guy or see one taking too long to approach me, I approach them. Fortune favors the bold and shyness doesn't become me. This guy is different. He brings out my shyness. We have conversations every time we see each other. I appear normal on the surface, but internally I am volcanic. Scientists say that when a person sees another person that they like, their pupils enlarge. If this is true, my pupils must become the size of saucers. I strongly wonder if I am too old to feel like this. I'm not a teenager anymore. At some point I will have to either abandon this feeling or confront it head on.

     Crushes are fun, exciting and sometimes frustrating. It's a new year and I refuse to over think this. Who knows? I may actually tell him. You can't have a batting average without first stepping up to the plate.

Dumb It Down

     Beauty is nice, but when it's coupled with brains, it is magnificent. Why then is it cool to be stupid?

    I know several smart, attractive people, both male and female, that dumb themselves down for the sake of a date. Why? Simple. Smart doesn't equal sexy. When I was in high school, I was far from being considered hot. I was on honor roll, accelerated classes, student council, and every extra curricular activity I could make time for. Boys didn't ask me out on Friday. They asked for my notes instead. To be frank, with the exception of Homecoming dances and Prom, I wasn't that cute. In high school, superficiality reigns and logic takes a backseat. It shouldn't be surprising that I didn't get my first boyfriend until I was 17 and a senior in high school.

    Fast forward to the present. When I see the same guys who wouldn't give me the time of day in high school, I am always amused. They've forgotten, but I haven't. To be fair, I've come a long way like those slim cigarettes, in terms of my appearance. Mentally, however, I am the same in many ways. My opinion has always been that the world doesn't need another beautiful idiot walking around. If a man likes me, he has to first seduce my mind before he has any hope of seducing the rest of me.

There's nothing wrong with being pleasing to the eye. It helps to remember that your mind will last a lot longer than your beauty. I was once asked if I wanted a guy to like me for my mind. I'll still answer that question with an emphatic "Yes".

I Want You To Want Me

     When in a relationship, you do things for someone because you want to. What happens when everything involving that other person becomes a chore? Is it better to be wanted or needed?

     When a relationship first starts you never want to be away from each other, all of their jokes are funny, and no matter what they ask for you try to deliver come hell or high water. After the ardor fades is when the real fun starts. The cracks start to show and you begin to see how your partner really feels about you. I remember asking an ex-boyfriend to do something for me and receiving a less than civil response.

    "Sure. Since everyone thinks that I live to serve them."

     Nice, huh?

    I have always felt that being wanted is better than being needed. Need has a desperate connotation. You need food and water, not another person. When someone wants you they are consciously choosing to have you in their life. It isn't drudgery because it is their choice. Need pushes people to do crazy things i.e. stalking, harassing, and being generally creepy. When you want someone, your free will is in use, not need driven obsession.

Exes and Ohs

     When you live in close proximity to your ex, seeing each other is inevitable. The best way to handle it is to be mature and keep to yourself. What if this isn't an option?

     Recently, I popped into one of my favorite bars on a Sunday to watch the game and listen to one of my favorite d.j.s spin. I took a seat at the bar next to an acquaintance that I will call Keith, for the sake of anonymity. I noticed that my ex was sitting further down at the bar. Only Keith and another woman separated us. This didn't bother me. I wasn't there to see him. I assumed he'd watch the game and not bother me. I assumed wrong.

     I turned on my stool to watch the game behind me. I felt him looking at me. A few moments later he stopped in front of me on his way to the restroom and said, "Hi."

     "Hi," I replied and kept watching the game.

     He went back to his bar stool. Keith quietly explained to the woman sitting on the other side of him that the guy sitting on her left was my ex. I'm still wondering who asked him to do this.

     No sooner had I begun enjoying the game again, did my ex walk past me again to use the restroom.

     "How have you been?" he asked

     "Good," I replied trying not to engage him.

     After my ex returned to his stool, Keith decided it was time to try and make things weird.

     "You could smile," he said to me as I watched the game.

     "I'm watching the game and I'm content," I said trying to hide my irritation.

     I knew what he was trying to do. I lack patience for people who stir the pot.

     "What's wrong with you?" Keith asked my ex.

     "Nothing. Just watching the game."

     Keith then decided he wanted to do shots.

     "Carl," he started. "Give me four buttercrowns. One for all four of us."

     The bartender knows I don't drink. I was having a my customary cranberry juice and soda. Carl the bartender enlightened Keith, thankfully.

     "She doesn't drink," he said.

     "Oh. Well, just make it three then."

     Really? Even if I did drink, why would I want to raise a glass with an ex that I still don't want to be bothered with. (See "Text From an Ex" entry)

     Finally, my ex started putting on his coat and saying his goodbyes. I hoped he would leave without bothering me. No such luck.

     Once again, he stopped in front of me as I watched the game.

     "Can I have a hug?"

     "What?" I asked

     I couldn't believe the question. After what he'd put me through when we dated, now he wanted a hug. I was fairly certain that I told him never to contact me again when we broke up. I also meant in public.

     Now it was my turn to give the stankface. I side hugged  him, rolled my eyes, and continued watching the game. Apparently, he needed closure. When we broke up, I didn't. I was relieved. The end of our relationship was just abysmal.

     As sure as the sky is blue, you can be certain that you'll see your ex. How you handle it is up to you. No matter how those around you behave, keep moving forward. It's only awkward if you allow it to be.