Kiss the Crown

     Self esteem is an important part of personal growth. What happens when it spills over into entitlement?

     Every day I am bombarded by images both in media and real life of people who feel that they are owed something. Self confidence and hubris are two different animals. Unfortunately, they are viewed the same. Gratitude is barely even a thought. I remember once when I worked at Victoria's Secret in college, a woman wanted to cut an entire line because she was "in a hurry". Fearing a riot and out of fairness, I told her no.

     "I'm on my lunch break!" she yelled.

     "I understand that," I reasoned. "I can't let you cut all of these people who have been waiting."

     She fumed quietly. I could see the quiet look of triumph on the faces of the other women in the line. To this day, I still can't believe the nerve of that woman. No one enjoys waiting in a line, but you can't assume you get to cut because you feel your time is more important than everyone else's. This example pales in comparison to many I have seen.

     I remember once when I was about five years old; there was a toy I wanted. When my grandfather declined to buy it, I replied, "Why? You can afford it?"

     This was the worst mistake of my short, misguided five year old life.

    My grandfather bent down to my height and tilted his glasses to the end of his nose.

    "Let me tell you something," he started. "Pay attention because I won't say it again. Your grandmother and I have money. You have nothing except what we give you. No one owes you anything. If you want something in this life, you have to work for it."

     At the time, I thought he was being mean. Now I am grateful for the favor that he did me. It is because of this I have a work ethic. I know that nothing will be handed to me. Most importantly, I know to be grateful.

     Entitlement is an interesting thing. In all actuality, entitlement involves two people. The next time someone you know acts this way, ask yourself one question: "Who is entitling them to act this way?"

Withdrawal of Interest

     The feeling of your crush being interested in you is exhilarating. The butterflies in your stomach and the stolen glances are fun, but what happens when it doesn't go any further despite effort on both sides?

     Last year, as my relationship came to a close, a new possibility presented itself. A gentleman at my church seemed to be giving me "signals". He was nicer than he normally was. He went out of his way to speak or sit near me at coffee hour after church. I even noticed the occasional glance my way. He is very reserved but nice to talk to. Also, I'm a sucker for dark hair, dark eyes, and olive skin. Not to mention a nice smile. After months of playing cat and mouse, at the suggestion of my male friends, I gave him my number under the guise of checking out my city's downtown art walk. He took my number and that was it. No really... that was it. I still saw him around church and except for a wave here or there, there was nothing to report. I decided then and there that I was done. It was not my job to wear a neon sign to get his attention.

    

     Fast forward to about two months ago at my church's fish fry, things had apparently changed. As I took a seat at one of the tables in the hall he waved and, so I waved back. Before I knew it, he'd moved to my table and we'd began chatting, which was easier since I wasn't as nervous as I'd had been when I'd really liked him. This happened a few other times since. It's as though he knows that I am not as interested and now that interests him. Don't misunderstand me; I think he's a nice guy. I still find him quite attractive, but the moment has definitely passed.

     Finding a mutual attraction with someone is great. Waiting excessively and playing mental chess isn't. Time waits for no man and a good woman shouldn't either. There is a time window, gentlemen. Tick tock.

Look At Me Now

     High school can be a place of dreams or a daily battleground. It all depends on what side of the fence you are on. What happens when the school daze is over and your old classmates see the new you?

    I wasn't a nerd per se in high school, but I was definitely not part of the in crowd. I didn't dress like Steve Urkel or look unattractive, but my grades were always high and I was always involved in extracurricular activities that revolved around academics. My classes were also accelerated. I had friends, but I wasn't popular by any means. Fast forward to my college and post graduate years. I have found that many of the guys that I thought were the cat's meow, who wouldn't look at me, can't stop looking now. When I see them I now I usually don't recognize them. When I do remember them, they lack the "sparkle" that they once had in high school or even a slight shine. They remember me and hit on me to prove it. I couldn't be less interested. This has a way of revealing the truth. Many of the guys I thought were so great have proven to be the opposite.

     Many of the popular girls that I went to high school with got a big dose of reality after graduation. As I've gotten older and seen many of them I am much better off than them. I graduated college, have great friends, make my own living, I don't have children, and I am not in a loveless marriage/relationship. I would say that I've done pretty well for a "nerd".

     When you're younger the grass always looks greener. The grass is greener where you water it. Time either tears you down or builds you up. For me it's caused me to improve as a person. Oddly enough, old classmates have taken notice. It's better to looked over than overlooked.


My friends and I in 8th grade. I am the one in the center in zebra print. (I can't believe I wore that outfit either!)

Myself with my friend Kelli on my 29th birthday.



Don't Pet the Peeve

     We all have things that irritate, annoy, and get under our skin. Everyone's pet peeves are different, but present nonetheless.

     I hate when people drag their feet. No, really. When they literally drag their feet when they walk and refuse to pick them up it makes me mad. It makes the most terrible noise. Who walks this way anyway?

     Another pet peeve I have is when people go outside in their pajamas or are sloppily put together. Unless you are homeless, there is no excuse. It seems like this trend is the most present at Wal-mart for some reason. If you aren't ready to come outside and join the rest of society, stay home.
    
     As some of you might have noticed from my previous entries, gossips and nosey people also rank on my list of annoyances. They love nothing better than to get to your personal business like cats in a basket of yarn and spread around what they think that they know. You aren't Wilson from Home Improvement. Keep your nose on your side of the fence.

     Lastly, people who like being ignorant. Nothing makes them happier than being improper or to mispronounce words. One such example is when someone pronounces Italian as "Eye-talian". The country is I-taly not "Eye-taly".
    
     At the end of the day pet peeves are unique as each person. All we can hope for is that people  improve as a whole or that we can all grin and bear each other.

One Year Older, One Year Wiser

     In less than a week I turn 29. I am both excited and reflective. I learned many lessons last year and am certain that I will learn more this year. I'd like to share a few of those lessons.

     The first lesson that I learned is that sometimes when a man puts you on a pedestal in the beginning of the relationship it isn't always good. Sometimes he only wants to put you up there to look up your skirt. Or worse show you off as a trophy. Neither of these things are good.

     The next lesson is that quitting while you're ahead is not the same as quitting. For me this is twofold. This was applicable both professionally and personally. When the person that you are working with or in a romantic relationship isn't being supportive and is causing more mental anguish than anything positive, it's time to walk. You don't have anything to lose. You aren't going to gain anything by sticking around to see what new foolishness they will concoct.

Another lesson I learned is change is not only inevitable but can be wonderful. I made many changes this past year. I stopped drinking, lost weight, and ended a relationship. At this point, I can tell you I've never felt not only better but younger. I still hang out with my friends and do everything I ever wanted without being held back by a guy, excess weight, or one too many cocktails.

     Last but not least, it is alright to be selfish sometimes. My first job is me. My happiness, my well being, and my self improvement are most important. Everything else should come after. Sometimes you get so caught up helping others that you neglect yourself and sometimes get used. Neither of these are good things. There's nothing wrong with helping others as long as it doesn't risk you losing or hurting yourself in the process.

     As long as I'm alive I know I will constantly be learning. I'm happy to be getting older. Last year was a great year of transition. I have no doubt that this year will be wonderful, new lessons and all. I await and embrace the new lessons unafraid. Show me what you got, 29.