Here's Looking at You

     They say that the eyes are the window to the soul. If this is true, people ought to be more careful with glances and facial expressions.

     About two months ago, on a Sunday evening, I decided to go to one of my favorite burger joints for dinner. I noticed my ex boyfriend's car across the alley. I assumed he was at the bar that also is across the alley. He wasn't.

    I opened the door and headed in for a burger. As soon as I took my seat I felt eyes on me. I looked over to see my ex looking at me. When our eyes connected, he shot me a look that seemed to say, "Oh great. She's here."

    He had totally given me the stank face. I didn't think men were capable of the stank face. I stand corrected.

     I chuckled and opened up my laptop. Haters  are gonna hate and I had work to do.

     About five minutes after getting my burger, the bartender approached me.

    "Excuse me," he started.

     "Yes," I said finishing the bite I had just taken.

     "The gentleman at the end of the bar says he knows you."

     "Uh-Huh," I said.

     "He says he'd like to pay for your food."

    I had a choice to make. I could take the offer as a massive insult or a tremendous compliment. Who gives someone the stank face and then pays for their dinner? Also, when we were together he acted as though I couldn't function without him. I still have no clue where he got this misguided notion from. I chose to take this gesture as a compliment and not put the bartender in an awkward position.

     "I'll allow it," I conceded.

    Before my burger was finished, my ex had left. I continued my work on my laptop and laughed at the irony. We both live in my city's downtown area, so seeing each other is a given. To me, it isn't a big deal. He's my past and my future is bright.

The Lady Has Two Faces

     One of the best things about having friends is having things in common. Even if the thing in common is a person that you both don't care for. You both have shared confidences and have vented to each other.  What happens when one party is possibly a turncoat?

     A few months ago, my friend Liza and I received invitations to a party via Facebook. Liza couldn't go because she was heading out of town. I couldn't because I was in a wedding. As Liza scrolled down the guest list, she noticed a name that struck her wrong.

    "Meredith Invited Jeanette? She doesn't like her as much as we don't," Liza said.

    "I know. What's that about?"

    It's true. Meredith can't stand Jeanette. To be honest, Jeanette is very difficult to get along with. So imagine how surprised we were to see her name.

    "The way Meredith talks about her to me, it makes me wonder what she says about me when I'm not around," Liza replied.

    That got me thinking. How did Liza know she wasn't getting bashed behind her back? If you can't stand someone, why are they invited to your party? If they're so awful, why even associate with them? Seems a bit disingenuous, doesn't it? Don't misunderstand me; there is a difference between civility and being fake.

    Another example that comes to mind is, one time a bunch of my friends and I were hanging out at one of our local haunts and were inviting others to come. My friend, Miguel, was going to invite our friend, Willa, when he was stopped in his tracks.

     "If you're going to call her, I'm leaving," a friend, whom I'll call Bianca, protested.

     "What's the problem?" I asked

     Bianca launched into a story of how Willa allegedly had hooked up with a guy that she knew Bianca liked. This put us in an odd spot.

     "Fine. Go ahead and call her. I don't care," Bianca pouted.

     When Willa showed up, Bianca greeted her as though they were the best of friends. Miguel and I looked at each other with knowing glances. Why the theatrical display if it was to be followed up with an immediate retreat? Bianca left about an hour later citing an early class. Miguel and I tried to hide our matching smirks.

    Keeping up morale is important. Sometimes you are put in a social setting that you didn't construct. If you are thrown into a gathering with people you don't care for, be civil and keep it moving. There is no need to extend any extra pleasantries. When you do you border on being artificial.

   

   

Shedding Skin

    As we open the New Year hopeful and uncertain, it's important to shed the old habits and mindsets that held us back in 2013. The only way to shed them is to acknowledge them.

     In 2013, I decided to begin living the life that I've always wanted. I celebrated the last birthday of my '20's and a year of sobriety. I even started the groundwork for my own business. Last September, I started a relationship with a guy I thought finally appreciated my ambition and understood me. While he did give me good business advice, he also gave me "suggestions" that sounded like harshly worded criticisms. My business is my baby and you don't let someone speak ill of your child. That was strike one. His next offense was thinking that his time was more important than mine. That was strike two. I'm a firm believer that you make time for what you want to make time for. Needless to say I gave him the boot.

     Towards the end of the 2013, I also decided it was time to cast aside the baggage of others and focus on myself. While I love my parents, their emotional suitcases are their problem. I will love them from afar and keep them in my prayers, but it's best if I don't directly bother with them. I was a good sport in my '20's. I plan to go into my '30's free of the emotional and mental clutter they provided me with.

In 2014, I plan to do many things that scare me, but will ultimately make me a better person. I will not let past insecurities and doubt make me think I am less than what I am or have less potential than I actually have. I have a fire inside of me and I intend to ignite everything in my path.

Political Animals

     Everyone knows that politics are not polite dinner conversation. However, when you're dining with politicians, you don't have a choice.

     One evening, about a year and half ago, I was having dinner with my then boyfriend and some of his associates when the chatter turned to politics, as it always did. I was raised that you never talked about politics, religion, or war at dinner. This never seemed to stop this bunch of colleagues. Usually, this was the fault of Lyle, who some of you may remember from my very first blog post. He was a local politician who was even a state representative. One of my sorority sisters said that he barely came to church and when he did it was only to campaign. I can tell you with absolute certainty that I have met few other people more self absorbed than he. A sponge could take a lesson.

    Lyle began to rail against the local and state branches of the political party he so fervently was part of. He was what my then boyfriend would call a "party boy". This meant that he did what ever he was told by the political party that he represented. He would follow blindly in exchange for various rewards. When he didn't receive the things that he was promised, he back peddled and crabbed to anyone who would listen to him. At this same dinner he complained about the direction that his party was taking. Everything he said was contradictory of the platform that got him elected. He even made it a point to say that the jobs in the public sector made more than the private sector. As hard as he was backing up, he should have been beeping. During these dinners I usually listened quietly. I found the dialogue both inelegant and fascinating. It amazes me how classless some "important" citizens can be.

     You could see some of the eyes of the other diners glaze over. James, who you may also remember from my first entry, argued a few of his points and called him out for his contradictory statements. Lyle claimed that he had suddenly become "aware". I find this interesting since his "awareness" hadn't occurred until he lost in the last election that he'd ran in.

    Politicians are basically the same breed of mammal regardless of party affiliations. Politics have a place and it isn't at the dinner table. If you encounter politics during a meal, listen and take only the useful bits. Discard the rest.