Bring Him, Leave her

     I can't think of anyone who doesn't like getting together with friends. The invitation list is usually where the trouble starts. What happens when you want a friend to come, but not their girlfriend? Suddenly, the social waters become murky.

     The majority of my friends are guys. Usually, their girlfriends are just as fun and amazing as they are. However, the opposite sometimes occurs. As we all scroll through our phone contacts to call up more friends, we occasionally hit a wall. If we call him, we get her too. The problem is: no one wants her. The women range from being anti-social to full frontal obnoxious. Sometimes you even get the socially awkward ones who can't seem to tear themselves away from their boyfriend's side. They never interact with the rest of the group and only speak in indistinct murmurs to him.

     A few summers back, my friend, Cameron, was dating a girl I'll call Bethany. She was several years younger and several shades anti-social. Every time we would all hang out at his apartment, she would call from her apartment, which happened to be across the street at the time, to say that she wanted to come hang out. We all agreed only to regret it. She'd come from across the street and pull down the gathering's morale. She was Buzz Killington. She would smile from time to time and barely speak. She would even cause random arguments with Cameron or storm out in a snit over some imaginary slight she felt. He would try to excuse her behavior by saying that she was only socially awkward.

    "Michael Cera is awkward, but at least he's funny. When's the last time she told a joke?" I countered.

    Cameron isn't the only one. When my good friend, Parker was dating one of my sorority sisters, Samantha Jo, we were often faced with the dilemma of what was to be done with his girlfriend. She was overbearing and more clingy than static on a silk dress. Very few times was she a pleasure to be around. In spite of the fact that we knew she would be a disaster, we knew if we wanted Parker, she was tagging along too. The thing is; Parker's so awesome to be around that we were willing to endure her presence. Trust me; it was indeed a test of endurance.

     Hanging out with friends is one of the best parts of life. You can only hope that they couple themselves with people who match their own radiance. If not, you will have to put on a happy face and enjoy the party. After all, isn't your friend worth it?

Snub is the Word

     Human beings are social creatures and like being acknowledged by those that they know. When a friend or colleague ignores you, it leaves you wondering why.

     A few months ago, I was a bridesmaid at my sorority sister's wedding. I was single, so I enlisted my friend, Adair, as my date. At the reception, one of the guests who was an associate from college and was the wife of the groom's fraternity brother, came up and spoke to me. We chatted for a little while. I noticed that she said not even two words to Adair or looked in his direction.

    "What was that about?" Adair asked after she walked away.

     "I don't know. I thought you guys were cool."

     "I thought we were too," he replied.

     There was no getting around it, he'd been snubbed.

     Just recently, I too, was snubbed. As I was stopping in to see my stylist and discuss business (she's my first client of my side business). I saw one of my sorority sisters with one of her friends.

     "Hi, Cara," I greeted.

     She barely looked at me and made some faint unintelligible sound. I proceeded to talk shop with my stylist. I had a job to do and Cara's rudeness wasn't going to stop this. The only thing that chafed me, was that I knew the next time I saw her socially she was going to enthusiastically greet me. I am the same person all of the time. I acknowledge people no matter who I'm around. Even if I don't like someone, I am at least civil. This is a lost art form, apparently.

    As I get older I resign myself to the fact that if someone doesn't speak to me or behaves anti-socially, there is no reason to push the issue. That being said, the party who has done the snubbing shouldn't later expect the snubee to go out of their way to speak to them. This is after all, a situation that they've created.

On My Toes

     In an organization of any size, people are called upon to fulfill various roles. Why is it that those least involved criticize the loudest?

     My friend, Liza, became the coordinator of her church's Vacation Bible School (VBS) last year. Part of the reason for this was that no one wanted to do it. When she asked one woman who'd been involved previously if she could help she said she would be eight months pregnant and didn't want to be out of the air conditioning. Liza carried on without her. Fast forward to this year, when Liza asked again she told her that because she has a baby she wouldn't be very active. Liza proceeded forward with the help of her co-director.

     A few weeks after VBS ended, this woman talked to Liza's co-director about sending out a survey. This struck Liza wrong. This woman didn't have time to participate, but she could organize a survey? Odd. When my friend approached the woman about this, she restated her position and said it was no big deal since she'd already cleared the survey with the pastor. Not only had she stepped on Liza's toes, she'd also gone behind her back. When Liza asked her if she'd had issues with the way VBS was directed she said no, but she just wanted to get "external input". This is interesting since no surveys were ever sent out before. Liza decided to voice her feelings in calmly written, proofread e-mail. The woman responded by emailing her back and saying that she didn't mean to offend Liza, but her family comes first and she couldn't make time for VBS because of it. In my opinion, she used her family to deflect blame. She had multiple opportunities to be involved and wouldn't. When Liza emailed her back she responded by saying she thinks a committee for VBS would be a good idea. Insult meet injury. For someone who couldn't be involved she wants a survey and the formation of a new committee. Liza was less than amused. Things get accomplished with just her and her co-director. She's all for volunteers, but a committee would be too many hands in the pot for a week long VBS.

     When a call is uttered, do not be afraid to answer. For the most part, there will be gratitude, but there will always be detractors. Address them and move forward. If they don't like the job you're doing, tell them to give it a shot. That should quiet the grumbles.

Slaying The Dragon Lady

      Everyone has a disagreeable person that they work with. This person brings external drama through their work place's doors constantly. They treat their coworkers like a cat treats a scratching post. Often their moods are more unpredictable than the stock market. What do you do?

     I have a coworker, whom I'll call Annette, who is frequently moody. You never know what her attitude will be from one day to the next. Calling her extension or sending her an e-mail can either result in a normal response or one full of her ire.

     Just recently, I gave her two pieces of paperwork. One required her signature and the other needed to be put in the computer system. She did the reverse. She called my extension saying that she needed to be notified when things needed to be input. I told her that I did tell her when I gave her the form. She hung up in my face.

     "Whatever," I said aloud.

    I come to work to do a job, not to please people with lousy dispositions. I've decided that I will be professional, but she is going to get a little attitude thrown back her way. Her home life is a hell of her own making. When you come to work, your home life and problems extending from that need to be checked at the door.

     As Annette left that day she slammed her things down by the sign out sheet by my desk. She marched like an imperial guard towards the ladies restroom. I ignored her and kept reading. For her to be a mother of three she was going out of her way to be childish. I can't control her moods and I refuse to try.

     When different personalities are put together in an office, all you can do is be professional and civil. You don't, however, have to be disrespected or at spoken at by someone who wants to blame their lack of professionalism on you. My work motto has become: "Keep Calm and Ignore the Shrew".

   

The Uninvited

    Everyone likes a happening or party, but if you aren't invited you shouldn't be there. This being said, why do people insist on going anyway?

     For my twenty-seventh birthday, I had a dinner with all of my friends and my boyfriend at the time. A couple of my sorority sisters even showed up. I was excited to see them until I noticed who they'd brought with them. I'll be frank, I'd had quite a few flutes of champagne under my belt  and was feeling more honest than usual. This other sister that they brought with them chafes me. She is obnoxious and rubs most people the wrong way. In addition, everyone who knows me knows that I don't like when people show up uninvited to things that I plan.

    "What is she doing here?" I asked pointedly after taking my sisters aside.

    "Well, she came with us because we were at another birthday party and she tagged along? Oh, she already feels awkward, Crystal."

    "She should because she's not invited. We don't even care for each other," I replied.

     I was irritated, but I wasn't going to make a scene. It was my birthday and I refused to upset the other guests.

    "If she does anything, I'm going to ask her to leave," I said to them before taking my seat again.

     For the most part, she was tolerable. Although, she did try to hold side conversations while I was speaking. After getting everyone's attention, the night went off without a hitch. We've all been in situations where we could easily become "the tagalong". In this case, ask the permission of the person whose soiree it is.

    An invitation is a gracious extension from one person to another. If you aren't invited, don't show up anyway. It is rude and you might end up putting the host in a tight spot. Not to mention making sure you don't receive invitations of your own in the future.