Dear Facebook

     Status updates on Facebook serve many purposes. They let you know where people are or what they are doing. Sometimes the status update becomes a medium used to over share. What happens then?

    I like Facebook. It can be a source for information or a fun waste of time. For some people it is used like a diary. I can't tell you how many times I've logged on to see my news feed flooded with statuses that are a serious violation of TMI. Status updates have gone from light hearted to a way to rehash personal carnage. Both men and women martyr themselves over their status. They may think they're venting, but it just looks pathetic. Venting should be done with friends, family, and even a mental health professional, not an entire social networking community. People don't feel sorry for you; they just think that you're unstable. Don't misunderstand what I am saying. Sometimes a status update can be good way to keep people aware of a less than happy occurrence. I have a problem when it is the same repeat offenders telling far too much of their affairs online. I have read the countless rambling in my newsfeed and have been less than amused. I have had my own personal setbacks and heartbreaks, but I didn't air my dirty laundry in hopes of pity. Life is more about what you do in spite of what happens to you. I almost wish Facebook would limit the amount of characters someone can use like Twitter.

    Facebook is a great outlet for many things. Personal business is not one of them. If you are tempted to make self loathing or pitiful keystrokes on Facebook, please don't. Call a friend instead.

Cost To Be the Boss

     Everything costs money. There's no getting around it. Whether the cost is high or low, something must be paid. Knowing this, why do people complain about the price of something that they, or worse, others might buy?

      When I was in college, I went shopping with one of my friends before her birthday party was to start. I offered to buy her whatever caught her eye. She said she didn't want anything. I asked her a couple more times. She insisted she didn't want anything.

     "I'm going to buy an outfit for your party," I said.

     "OK," she replied.

     I headed into a store. I bought a t-shirt, a denim skirt, and a pair of pretty metallic flip flops. It totaled a little less than $95. I have been of the opinion that you should spend your money how you want. I work hard and see no problem with spoiling myself occasionally. Besides, I was willing to do the same for her and she said no.

     "I can't believe you're going to spend that much on those things!" she exclaimed.
    
     "What's the big deal?" I asked.

    "That is way too much to spend on clothes for tonight."

    "It's for your party," I reminded her.

    "You didn't even get me anything."

     This boiled me. She had told me no over and over again. Now all of a sudden her tune was changing.

    "Kendra, I just got through asking you if you wanted something," I fumed.

    "I don't want anything, but that is still expensive."

     "It's my money," I said firmly as we headed to the cash register.

     I have always felt that as long as you aren't hurting yourself or anyone else, you should be able to spend your money in any fashion you want. To me, I was just shopping. I don't always spend that much, but it was mine to spend. I thought she'd drop it once we left the mall. I was wrong. She made it a point to tell our other friends at the party how much my outfit cost and that I didn't get her anything. I ignored it and made the best of the night. Even when I worked at Neiman's, people would see something they liked, look at the price, complain, and then promptly leave. If you don't want to pay a price for something, don't.

     Everyone's budget is different. Whether you are Rockefeller rich or just treating yourself, money is meant to be enjoyed. You shouldn't feel bad about the occasional indulgence especially when you are willing to share. Spend thoughtfully but quietly also.

Race For the Ring

     I can think of few women who don't dream of wedded bliss at some point in their adult lives. Some young women make it a mission to get married. Which makes me ask the question: When did it become acceptable to pressure a man to marry you?

The bride

     When I was in college, I had a sorority sister who really wanted to get married. She was around twenty three years old as the time and felt that she should be at least engaged. This internal push to get married led her to procure a ring by rather unorthodox tactics. We would sometimes have mixers with her boyfriend's fraternity and he would call to talk our social chair. On one occasion, she asked our chair to ask him if he was going to propose around Christmas. Another example of her marital campaigning was that she would get on her boyfriend's computer and create her dream wedding ring on the De Beers website. She would let his screen saver appear so that when he touched his computer it would be the first thing he saw. Keep in mind that she was smart, beautiful, and accomplished. Her antics left me scratching my then nineteen year old head. I couldn't make sense of why she was acting so desperate. They eventually broke up and adding insult to injury, he took the money he was going to use for the ring to buy a sports car. My sorority sister got the last laugh: He ended up crashing the car.

One Ring to Rule Them All

     At the age of twenty-nine, I have no intention of getting married or engaged. For those who are either, I'm happy for them. To find someone to spend the rest of your life with is a great thing. As for me, I'm simply not ready. I'm fine with being in a relationship, but anything more binding is too much for me. Personally, I was would like to start considering marriage at thirty-five. What's the rush?

    
     Marriage is a beautiful thing. It's two people committing themselves to one another for the rest their lives. This should not be a rushed process, but not necessarily taken at a snail's pace. A decision such as this one requires thought, not a stopwatch.

All Together Now

     Family vacations can create both joy and lasting memories. They also can be strained and sometimes frustrating when people are too close in proximity.

     My friend, Liza and her husband, Declan, often go with their children to visit Declan's father and step-mother in Annapolis, MD. The kids love being there and Declan and Liza have ball also. Their vacations would almost be picturesque if it weren't for Declan's step-mother's younger sister, Christine. She is snippy and always makes snide remarks about Liza's parenting. This would almost be tolerable if it weren't for Christine's own style of mothering. Christine's daughter, Ana, is seven years old and, has her own ipad and anything else she wants. In addition, Christina just got married to the man she'd been having an affair with from her office. She's only been divorced a few years. His two sons spend every other week with Christina, Ana, and their father.

     As if this weren't enough to contend with, Christina lives about five minutes away from Declan's father. Whenever Liza and her family come from Michigan, Christina is there too. Even family vacations that are meant for just the children to bond with their grandfather aren't safe from intrusion. She and her daughter constantly show up. Christine's daughter, Ana, is spoiled and often never wants to what everyone else is doing. She goes out of her way to be disagreeable until "special" allowances are made for her. Declan's step-mother, Renata, doesn't make the arrangement any easier. She acts as though she and Christina can't be separated. She also caters to Christina and her family even though Liza's family is there from out of state. Even Liza's children have subtly expressed wanting to spend time with their grandfather and step-grandmother without Ana. Also, whenever Liza's daughter receives a gift, Ana immediately wants the same thing.  She, of course, is given what she wants. This past Christmas, Declan's father, Mark, came to Michigan with Renata to visit. Liza told me that Renata wasn't in the house an hour and she and Christine were having face time on their iphones. The only reason that they didn't have their usual daily calls is because Christina was in England visiting her new husband's family. It's an odd arrangement.

     The family dynamic can be wonderful. With it, however, should come respect. Respect of boundaries, courteous conduct, and respectful speech are the cornerstones of any family vacation. This doesn't always happen and that is what causes problems.



The pioneers of bad family vacations



 

 

 

 

 

 

Taking Care of Business

     Some people are meant to work for others while others are meant to work for themselves. Recently, I've decided to start my own side business. Let the journey begin.

     In February of this year I did freelance work for a friend's company. I'll save you the epic tale and skip to the end: I quit and focused on my day job. One day while I was sitting at my desk, I thought to myself, "Why am I not doing this? I know how. What is stopping me?" Step by step, I've been turning in forms, writing my business plan and even meeting with prospective clients. It has been an experience. I still have a day job, but my goal is to build up clientele and make this business my day and night job. Upon sharing this with a few people, I have received mixed reactions. Most people have been positive, but a few have been hesitant. I have been reminded that starting a business is a lot of "work" and I may not be up to it. My new motto has become "Keep calm and ignore the haters."

     No matter what your passion is pursue it. Life is too short not to. Step by step you can do anything; it just takes a little planning.

Primary Colors

     My generation is known for being the limit testers and the ones who blur the lines. While this is true, there are some old notions that still linger.

     I remember during college, my friends Talia, Christina, and I were hanging out. It was in the fall and unseasonably warm.

    "There are no men around," Christina opined.

     "What are you talking about? I see men everywhere," I said.

     It was true; the downtown of my friend's city was bustling. I saw men at every turn. The closer we got to the nearby college, the more men we saw.

     "I mean, for me. We all know you'll date anyone," she said.

     I took offense. What did she mean "anyone"? I was pretty sure that I had standards.

    "What is that supposed to mean?" I asked pointedly.

     "You know, you don't date black guys," she said nonchalantly.

     This floored me. In this day in age, I thought we were over that. I've always just liked guys. Their "paint jobs" weren't an issue. Obviously each person is attracted to different things, but I didn't think it was big deal. The more I talk to my friends; I find that this idea still hangs on. Some of my guy friends have told me outright that their parents would be upset if they brought someone home who was a different race.

     I have always been of the belief that no matter what color a person is, they will either treat you right or not. Besides, an attractive person is attractive no matter what color they are. My maternal grandparents never cared who I dated as long as they treated me right. Given their own heritages they couldn't. My grandfather was of Seminole Native American and African American decent and my maternal grandmother is Bahamian and Irish. As a child I remember their friends being all different races. It was never discussed. People are people. My dating history has been diverse. I didn't do it to prove a point, it just happened. I find men attractive. I couldn't care less about ethnicity and I most certainly do have standards. I don't see the point in ruling out a potential significant other based on a lack or difference in melanin. Don't misunderstand me, I get that not everyone is attracted to people of other races. As long as that lack of attraction is not based on racist ideas and notions, I don't see a big deal.

     No matter who you choose to date, the most important thing is that you care about that person. All other factors should be secondary. At the end of the day, isn't that what matters?