Can't Touch This

     In social settings (i.e. cramped clubs & bars), you are bound to touch other people. It is when this touching is deliberate and disrespectful that a problem arises. As chivalry and social graces take a back seat, both men and women have become more tactile than necessary.

     Last November, Liza and I decided to have a much needed girl's night out. All was well until I was walking off the dance floor and a guy put his finger in the belt loop of my jeans and attempted to pull me closer. I was beyond livid.

    "Get your hands off of me! What's wrong with you?!" I yelled as I smacked his hand away.

     "Sorry," he said turning scarlet.
  
     "You should be!"

     As the night progressed, another guy thought he should talk into my shirt. He literally spoke into my top as though there were a row of microphones for a press conference in it.

     "How are you doing?" he asked into my shirt.

    "Get the hell out my damn face," I replied calmly.

     Although the rest of the night went well, I was still appalled that this behavior occurred. The sad thing is the behavior is equal opportunity. My friend, Cameron, was a bar that he normally doesn't go to playing pool with friends. He said that as he bent over the table, a woman walking past grabbed a hunk of his backside. He was shocked. When he stood up instantly, she glanced at him with a grin and was completely unashamed. Seriously?

     Touch is one of the five senses. As with any other natural ability, it must be used appropriately. Being admired is flattering as long as it's respectful. Feel free to look, but don't touch the merchandise.

What Are You Waiting For?

     I try to stay on task. Sometimes it's hard to not put off what has to be done to do nothing. If procrastination holds us back, why do we do it?

     "I really need to get this paper done."

     That was a phrase that both myself and my friends said at some point during our college career. We either put off our paper to go on Facebook, to hang out with our friends or to take a nap. At the end of the day, it still had to get done. I have a few friends that use the excuse of working better under pressure. The truth is, they've waited so late they have no choice but to work under pressure.

     Up until college, I didn't really procrastinate. In fact, I used to turn my assignments in days early. I didn't want to have the assignment looming over me. When college came, presenting new temptations, I threw some good habits away. Often times, I would find myself hanging out with friends instead of studying. I would give myself an extra day so that my assignment wasn't done at the 11th hour. Although, looking back it was still pretty last minute.

     Part of being an adult is doing things that you don't want to do. No matter how long you put off a task, it will still be there staring back at you. The best thing to do is power through it and move forward. Plus, the faster you finish your work, the faster you can do what you want.

I've Got Next

     Many close friends share things with each other. Clothes, secrets, and many other things are often swapped. However, exes are usually off limits. What happens when this golden rule is ignored?

     You see it everywhere, from Hollywood to your social group. Friends dating and hooking up with their friends' exes is nothing new. I've been seeing it since high school. The minute one friend dumped their significant other, another friend swooped in to nurse their wounds. Sometimes this occurred without any awkwardness and other times it was social suicide. This never made sense to me. I couldn't imagine being linked to a friend's ex. It seems disloyal and vindictive in many ways. I wonder how many times these arrangements occur because of true love. If I had to venture a guess, I would say slim to none.

     In college, this trend was all too common. It happened more openly with the guys. It was frowned upon, but it seemed to be recovered from easily. With young women it was not such an easy thing to get over. Friendships were broken and invitation lists had to be reworked. Every woman knows that dating her friend's ex is a big no-no. It's against girl code. A woman dating her friend's ex would be branded with a scarlet "A" so fast her coffee would still be hot.

     My friends mean the world to me. Dating or hooking up with a friend's ex is a violation. It is an invisible mark against you. To paraphrase Jay Z, being my friend is like a secret society. All I ask for is trust.

Let's Hear It for the Boys

     Every girl needs a guy friend to bounce ideas off of and gain insight about life and the opposite sex. I am very lucky to say that I have several male friends that I go to for counsel and for friendship. For this entry, I would like to take a break from social graces and thank these gentlemen.

    Parker has been my friend for almost 9 years. We met when he moved from New Orleans to Michigan because of Katrina. We've both dealt with bad break ups and undergrad dilemmas. Out of our group of friends, he and I are the oldest. We've weathered life's storms and come out better because of it.

Parker and I. Great minds dress alike

     Adair and I met when he was a freshman in college. He has knack for introducing me to songs that end up stuck in my head. He is also the best wedding date a girl can have. Also, I never had more fun smoking hookah or on a boat on a 100 degree day with anyone else.


Adair and I at my sorority sister's wedding

     A few years after I met Parker, I met my friend, Kiernan. Who is also called Big Red due to his red hair. He's funny, sensitive, and draws a heck of a comic. He's come to all my birthday celebrations since I started having them at 22.

Adair, Kiernan and I on Valentine's Day 2014

 

     Miguel is not only my friend but a brother. His family and I are close; in fact his older sister is my little sister in my sorority. We argue like siblings, but when bad times hit we've got each other. Despite a 5 year age difference we have many of the same things in common.

     From the time I met Anderson two things were obvious, he was hilarious and had a penchant for mischief. He and I are both trouble makers and have decided we shouldn't sit next to each other at social events. He is newly engaged and will be moving down south for a job this summer. Congrats again, Anderson.

     Aziz and I met at a random get together about two years ago. I was being my usual self and ended up drawing laughs. Like many people in our social circle he's heard stories about me, but hadn't met me yet. He is at once hilarious and logical. Two things that are hard to do simultaneously. His hash tags are legendary.

     Tucker is married and a proud father of a son. When we were in college he also was known to plan an amazing party and co-create card games. I know few people who can make seersucker at a mixer look as cool as him.

     I don't remember how I met my friend Amin, but I'm glad I did. If Clark Kent were into computer systems instead of being a superhero, he'd be it. All of my friends have a great sense of humor and Amin is no exception. His quips are subtle but always funny.

     Last but certainly not least, is my friend, Cameron. He's always good for discussion over coffee at diners and much needed doses of sarcasm. He's also always up for a sporadic get together with friends. One summer afternoon, myself, Adair, and one of the other friends hung out in his front yard. It was just us, a few drinks, and a computer with an amazing iTunes playlist.

     To my guy friends I missed, please accept my apology. This post would be unbearable to readers if it were any longer. Gentlemen, thanks for the laughs, long talks, impromptu parties, wisecracks, bad influences, and the privilege of calling you my friend. Who needs a boyfriend when you have so many boy friends?

Unfashionably Late

     Who doesn't love to make an entrance? I know I do. Some people go too far trying to be fashionably late. When does a late arrival go from cool to rude?

     We all have that friend that is never on time. Their arrival at a party is always 45 minutes later than they say. You roll your eyes and deal with it. I, personally, get annoyed. How are you supposed to get a head count? If you say you are arriving at a certain time, show up at that time.


Don't be too tardy to the party.

     Another thing that bothers me is when expected guests are so late, you begin sending multiple texts and calls only to be ignored. Of course, there is always that one friend that can get them on the phone when the rest of you can't. Thus, irritating the waiting friends further. Why didn't they answer my call or text?

      Tardiness is acceptable socially, but only to a point. When it exceeds an hour, it becomes rude. If you make people wait unnecessarily, you will find yourself invited less and less.

 

 

Well Dressed and Overlooked

     Change is inevitable. There's no escaping it. What happens when a change in company climate causes both your accomplishments and seniority to be put on the back burner?

     My friend, Liza's husband, Declan, was up for an interview. He was nervous, but because of his leadership positions in the past and experience he figured he had a good chance of landing the position. He previously had interviewed for 2 or 3 other positions and wasn't promoted, so he figured he would be more likely to be in the running for this one.

     Once again, Declan was proven wrong. He was completely mystified as to why this had happened again. In the past he'd been promoted several times and aced every quarterly review. It isn't like he works for some mediocre company. He works for a well known corporation in its customer care division. When he went to his manager to ask for feedback, he was told that his interview was good. The reason that he wasn't hired for that position and for the others was that he was too well dressed. Declan wears slacks, a tie, and an oxford shirt to work. The upper level managers dress down considerably and felt that Declan was out dressing them. As you might imagine, he was stunned. Declan, like most people, had always been told to dress for the job he wanted. Apparently, to do this he would need to wear jeans and a t-shirt with a small stain. His workplace has become a "workplace of choice". What this means is the workplace tries to suit the wants of the employee and does away with a more traditional business culture. In theory, this sounds good, but it isn't. This workplace of choice model may work for Facebook or Google, but it isn't conducive for other companies. It causes workers to be overlooked. I've said it once and I'll say it again: Dress codes are necessary.

    The way a person dresses sends a message. Your standards and dress codes should never lower to meet someone else's. Your dress and appearance are a source of personal pride. Give yourself a reason to be proud.

Don't Wait Up!

     There are few things more rude than someone standing up another person. It is a waste of your time and completely thoughtless. That being said, you don't have to take that person's behavior lying down.

    A few weeks ago, I was eating dinner at the bar of one my favorite downtown haunts, when an attractive older gentlemen started chatting me up. He gave me his card and encouraged me to call him. About two weeks later I decided to do just that. We set up a date for that coming Friday. We agreed that either one of us would call to confirm with the other.

    On Thursday, the day before our date, I called to confirm. I left a message. When I didn't hear back that night I decided we didn't have a date. On Friday, I took myself out to dinner after work and chatted with friends who were at the same restaurant. I went home and didn't think on it. Besides, I had a date the next day. In my opinion, someone who is that rude doesn't deserve my time.


Alexander Graham Bell invented it for a reason. Use it.

     The next day as I was getting ready for my date, my line beeped. It was him. I was on the phone with my aunt, so I ignored him. When the line beeped again I decided to click over and let him have it.

     "Hello," I said not masking the irritation in my voice.

     "Hey, it's Rich."

     "Uh-huh."

     "What are you doing today?" he asked.

     "I have plans. Our date was yesterday." I exploded.

     "Yeah. I know. I'm at Blackstone's. Come down," Rich said confidently.

     "I have plans. Our date was yesterday." I exploded.

     "Yeah. I know. Come down."

     Now I was really angry.

     "No. I have plans and I don't take kindly to being stood up. If you couldn't have made it on Friday, you should have called or texted. You should have called me back on Thursday," I fumed.

     "Yeah, I know I am an asshole with my phone."

     "To say the least," I countered.

     "I'm trying to make it up to you," he said sounding indignant.

     I wasn't having it.

     "No. I. Am. Busy."

     "I thought we'd have a late lunch."

     "No. Our date was yesterday at Da'Edoardo's and today my day is spoken for."

     "If you want to come down here and punch me in the face, I understand."

     What a pompous jerk!

     "I don't assault people. I have things to do."

    He was in mid sentence when I'd heard enough. I hung up on him. Normally, I don't do that to people, but my buffoonery quota was met for the day.

     As I headed to my date, he called again. I didn't pick up. I'm certain the call was the result of liquid courage brought on by a few shots of Glenfiddich.

     Bad behavior persists because good people tolerate it. I will not put up with disrespect or having my time wasted because of a another person's lack of regard. No one should accept this as appropriate. No one stands me up. Time waits for no man and neither does Crystal S. Demps.

Call Me, Maybe?

     As a single girl, the exchange of a phone number can be the beginning of infinite possibilities. It can also be frustrating when a guy takes your number, chats you up, and never calls ( i.e. wastes your time), or worse, calls like their going to outlaw phones in a week. Why is the telephone so troubling?

     Last December, I gave my number to a guy who I'd met and seemed interesting. He promised to call and he did. Endlessly. He called when I was at work, when I was in the shower, when I was getting ready for bed, and when I was just breathing. Don't misunderstand me, I like when a guy calls, but blowing up my phone is not only irritating, it's desperate. When a person gives you their number, by all means use it. There is no need to bombard the person with calls.

    On the flipside, a guy taking my number and never calling is beyond infuriating. I hate to have my time wasted. If you have no intention of calling, don't bother me. A couple of weeks ago, I ran into a guy who'd taken my number months ago. He came over and spoke to me. I was civil but nothing more. I could tell he hoped I might ask why he hadn't called and possibly offer my number again. No such luck. I refuse to keep doling out my number when you'd made no attempt to use it in a timely fashion the first time.

Communication is the key to life. When there is a lack or over abundance of it, there is bound to be problems. As with most things there needs to be a balance. If you are interested in a person, take their number and communicate. Just don't overdo it. If you aren't interested, don't take the number at all. Either way, it's a phone; Not a grenade missing its pin. Relax.