Scoundrels at the Symphony

     Classical music is one of the best forms of music on the planet. Often the composers are just as complex as their pieces. Watching a symphony can be a great experience, unless it is tarnished by those around you.

     Last November, my friend, Liza and her husband, Declan, joined friends to see Brahms pieces performed by the local symphony orchestra. They had amazing seats and were ready to take in a night of culture. Too bad the others weren't. Seated to Liza's left were another married couple.

    "Do you know a lot about classical music?" the wife asked Liza.

     "I know a little bit."

     "Do you know if Brahms' wife had an affair with another composer? I'd heard that and I wasn't sure."

     Liza was dumbfounded. Who asks that? Most importantly, who cares? Liza politely told her she didn't know anything about it. This lady was only getting started. During the performance, she asked her husband for a pen. Liza, being the optimist that she is, thought she was taking notes. Instead, the wife took out a Sudoku puzzle book and started straight away at one of the puzzles.

     By the time intermission started, Liza was ready for a break. When she headed downstairs to grab quick refreshments, she was startled. Most of the people were dressed completely inappropriately. By this, I mean flannel shirts

 and jeans. Keep in mind that this was at the symphony not a Nirvana tribute concert. Those not wearing jeans only had on khakis in their place.

When the intermission was over, Liza decided to block out the nonsense around her and focus on the music. She let the music paint lush landscapes in her mind and ended up having a wonderful evening.

Whether you're at the symphony or on your porch, the behavior of others can be jarring. The best thing to do is keep moving forward and enjoy the world around you.

Crushed

     At some point in every one's life, you experience having a crush. That stomach flip whenever they speak to you or walk by is sometimes all you need to make your day better. Crushes are fine, but are you ever too old for them? Do crushes have age limits?

     I am coming clean. I have a crush... at 29 years old. This crush isn't like any I've ever experienced. I can't shake this one. Usually, a crush only lasts about a month for me. This one has lasted about a year and a half. We are definitely opposite. He's a lot more reserved than me. Then again, who isn't? If you look up extrovert in the dictionary, my picture is by it. I know he's attracted to me, but I can't help but wonder what he's waiting for. Don't misunderstand me, my life isn't on pause. I meet people and I go out on dates. I've even had boyfriends, but it's something about him that I can't give up on.

This is how I am trying to avoid feeling.

     When I like a guy or see one taking too long to approach me, I approach them. Fortune favors the bold and shyness doesn't become me. This guy is different. He brings out my shyness. We have conversations every time we see each other. I appear normal on the surface, but internally I am volcanic. Scientists say that when a person sees another person that they like, their pupils enlarge. If this is true, my pupils must become the size of saucers. I strongly wonder if I am too old to feel like this. I'm not a teenager anymore. At some point I will have to either abandon this feeling or confront it head on.

     Crushes are fun, exciting and sometimes frustrating. It's a new year and I refuse to over think this. Who knows? I may actually tell him. You can't have a batting average without first stepping up to the plate.

Dumb It Down

     Beauty is nice, but when it's coupled with brains, it is magnificent. Why then is it cool to be stupid?

    I know several smart, attractive people, both male and female, that dumb themselves down for the sake of a date. Why? Simple. Smart doesn't equal sexy. When I was in high school, I was far from being considered hot. I was on honor roll, accelerated classes, student council, and every extra curricular activity I could make time for. Boys didn't ask me out on Friday. They asked for my notes instead. To be frank, with the exception of Homecoming dances and Prom, I wasn't that cute. In high school, superficiality reigns and logic takes a backseat. It shouldn't be surprising that I didn't get my first boyfriend until I was 17 and a senior in high school.

    Fast forward to the present. When I see the same guys who wouldn't give me the time of day in high school, I am always amused. They've forgotten, but I haven't. To be fair, I've come a long way like those slim cigarettes, in terms of my appearance. Mentally, however, I am the same in many ways. My opinion has always been that the world doesn't need another beautiful idiot walking around. If a man likes me, he has to first seduce my mind before he has any hope of seducing the rest of me.

There's nothing wrong with being pleasing to the eye. It helps to remember that your mind will last a lot longer than your beauty. I was once asked if I wanted a guy to like me for my mind. I'll still answer that question with an emphatic "Yes".

I Want You To Want Me

     When in a relationship, you do things for someone because you want to. What happens when everything involving that other person becomes a chore? Is it better to be wanted or needed?

     When a relationship first starts you never want to be away from each other, all of their jokes are funny, and no matter what they ask for you try to deliver come hell or high water. After the ardor fades is when the real fun starts. The cracks start to show and you begin to see how your partner really feels about you. I remember asking an ex-boyfriend to do something for me and receiving a less than civil response.

    "Sure. Since everyone thinks that I live to serve them."

     Nice, huh?

    I have always felt that being wanted is better than being needed. Need has a desperate connotation. You need food and water, not another person. When someone wants you they are consciously choosing to have you in their life. It isn't drudgery because it is their choice. Need pushes people to do crazy things i.e. stalking, harassing, and being generally creepy. When you want someone, your free will is in use, not need driven obsession.

Exes and Ohs

     When you live in close proximity to your ex, seeing each other is inevitable. The best way to handle it is to be mature and keep to yourself. What if this isn't an option?

     Recently, I popped into one of my favorite bars on a Sunday to watch the game and listen to one of my favorite d.j.s spin. I took a seat at the bar next to an acquaintance that I will call Keith, for the sake of anonymity. I noticed that my ex was sitting further down at the bar. Only Keith and another woman separated us. This didn't bother me. I wasn't there to see him. I assumed he'd watch the game and not bother me. I assumed wrong.

     I turned on my stool to watch the game behind me. I felt him looking at me. A few moments later he stopped in front of me on his way to the restroom and said, "Hi."

     "Hi," I replied and kept watching the game.

     He went back to his bar stool. Keith quietly explained to the woman sitting on the other side of him that the guy sitting on her left was my ex. I'm still wondering who asked him to do this.

     No sooner had I begun enjoying the game again, did my ex walk past me again to use the restroom.

     "How have you been?" he asked

     "Good," I replied trying not to engage him.

     After my ex returned to his stool, Keith decided it was time to try and make things weird.

     "You could smile," he said to me as I watched the game.

     "I'm watching the game and I'm content," I said trying to hide my irritation.

     I knew what he was trying to do. I lack patience for people who stir the pot.

     "What's wrong with you?" Keith asked my ex.

     "Nothing. Just watching the game."

     Keith then decided he wanted to do shots.

     "Carl," he started. "Give me four buttercrowns. One for all four of us."

     The bartender knows I don't drink. I was having a my customary cranberry juice and soda. Carl the bartender enlightened Keith, thankfully.

     "She doesn't drink," he said.

     "Oh. Well, just make it three then."

     Really? Even if I did drink, why would I want to raise a glass with an ex that I still don't want to be bothered with. (See "Text From an Ex" entry)

     Finally, my ex started putting on his coat and saying his goodbyes. I hoped he would leave without bothering me. No such luck.

     Once again, he stopped in front of me as I watched the game.

     "Can I have a hug?"

     "What?" I asked

     I couldn't believe the question. After what he'd put me through when we dated, now he wanted a hug. I was fairly certain that I told him never to contact me again when we broke up. I also meant in public.

     Now it was my turn to give the stankface. I side hugged  him, rolled my eyes, and continued watching the game. Apparently, he needed closure. When we broke up, I didn't. I was relieved. The end of our relationship was just abysmal.

     As sure as the sky is blue, you can be certain that you'll see your ex. How you handle it is up to you. No matter how those around you behave, keep moving forward. It's only awkward if you allow it to be.