Standards are put in place for a reason. In many cases, you shouldn't ever compromise. Why is it that we adhere to standards except the ones that we set for ourselves?
The week before my 30th birthday, I was at one of my favorite downtown restaurants when I ran into a few people I'd met there before. The three of them are professors at the local community college. Rochelle is a psychology professor, Stuart is a Spanish professor, and Bob is a music professor. They had other friends that came and went as the evening progressed. Later into the evening it was just Stuart, myself and Bob. Somehow the conversation turned toward dating and relationships. I mentioned that I didn't date men in their 20's and 30's because of my multiple bad experiences.
"You wouldn't date a guy who's in his 30's?" Stuart asked amused.
"No, I have had a quite a few bad experiences. If I did I would have to do research on him first," I said standing firm.
"Really? Bob's 37."
Bob seemed charming, funny, and smart. He was okay looking, but I'd thought he was older.
"You are?" I asked amazed.
The second I said that, Stuart went into wingman mode by asking me about my interests and linking them to Bob's.
"I see what you're doing," I quipped.
Stuart went home leaving Bob and I to talk. As I said, I don't date guys so close to my age. (I turned 30 in June.) I prefer men 41-57 years old. We just seem to interact better. There are less games and we have better conversations. Bob seemed different and his full head of salt and pepper hair didn't hurt. What can I say? I'm a sucker for graying hair. We exchanged number and headed our respective ways. The next day, he invited me to a pool party that his friends were throwing at their home.
The pool party went well and his friends seemed nice. However, his friend who was throwing the party after a few drinks told him "not to screw this up." That was the first red flag. In addition, he disclosed that he was in therapy and hadn't even told Stuart why. For the sake of his privacy, I will take the high road and not disclose the reason either. In spite of this, Bob and I made a date for that next Friday, which was the day after my birthday. He and I were supposed to see each other the day before our date. I received a text that day from him saying he wouldn't be able to make it. The older I get, the more I trust my gut. My stomach churned in such a way that I knew something was amiss.
Sure enough, at a few minutes before midnight and the beginning of my 30th birthday, he sent me a 4 page text message that said that though we'd "shared special moments" he'd met someone that he wanted to get to know. As a result we wouldn't be able to go on our date the next day.
I wasn't hurt, just irritated. We'd only known each other a week, so there was no emotion stock in him. I have no patience for immaturity such as this. My text back to him was 3 sentences long. It read: I don't appreciate having plans made to have them broken. I also don't appreciate having my time wasted. Don't ever call me again..
This incident taught me a lesson. Never lower my standards no matter how charming a man appears to be. He initially wasn't my type, it would've been best if I'd stuck to that. I should've ran for the hills when his friend warned him not to screw up and when he told me he was in therapy. Standards are set in place as a form of measurement. If a man doesn't measure up, there is no reason to move forward.
