No Dumping

 As a human beings, we need to vent or get things off our chest. We rely on our friends and peers to be a listening ear when the world doesn't make sense to us. The question is: At what point does it become stop being constructive and become emotional dumping and ceaseless whining?

By nature, I try to listen and find solutions for friends and associates. I believe every problem has multiple solutions. It simply depends on what route you would like to take. As I've gotten older, I've realized many people don't want a solution. Fixing the problems in their life would give them nothing to complain about. They would prefer to complain and burden you mentally, leaving them to walk away "lighter".

The pandemic forced me to focus on the way that I feel and in turn my external relationships. It made me stop and analyze the people I was communicating with before the lockdown happened. What seemed obvious to me was that some of the "problems" weren't actually issues at all. On a broader level, some of the problems were self created. However, when I internalized them they became my surrogate issues.

I can think of one person in particular who used every social opportunity to "unload". No matter where I saw him, if we talked for any length of time, he had some sort of dilemma or problem. I would listen, while quietly observing that these issues were self made. It got to the point where I dreaded seeing him coming because I knew what was going to come out of it. One of the times that I ran into him in 2019, I stated to him that his current problem could be something he'd created. He paused for a moment and replied, "Probably". He kept going with his complaint as though I hadn't said anything at all. I was done. I wasn't being supportive. I was being used. I was an emotional landfill for people to dump their toxic feelings. It was in that moment, I was done. I decided that if a conversation was not constructive or solution based, I wouldn't be part of it. 

As 2021 continues, I have come to value and realize the importance of my own mental health and stability. I will still acknowledge those that I care about, but rampant self absorption and whining is not something I will deal with. Finding a solution is a choice. If whining is your solution, you'll have to do it away from me.

Lock and Key

 In this social media driven world, it's easy to post all of your life's details. It's also easy to watch the lives of others and gain a false impression. How much can you post while still retaining your privacy and identity?

I've always believed that secrets make human beings interesting. There's something about a person that is deeper than their surface appears. I wouldn't call myself secretive, but I absolutely believe in privacy and not sharing my future plans until they are fully formed. Even in relationships, I require a certain amount of privacy. People can know I'm in a relationship and who with, but not too much else. I enjoy social media, but I feel no need to post my whole life. There are parts of me that are for the public and parts that are only for me. Not everyone needs to know everything. I'd rather post a meme than post an intensely private detail about myself. The same is true in a conversation. I'll tell a joke before I reveal something personal. To me, platforms shouldn't shouldn't be used as a diary or a substitute for therapy. My devotion to privacy has led some to accuse me of being "cagey". I disagree. I believe in boundaries.

As I stated earlier, I don't share my future plans. I believe in planning and building silently. I do this for two reasons: 1.) I don't want people speaking fear into my goals. Sometimes well meaning people project their insecurities into your plans. I refuse to eat a meal that I didn't order. I prefer to let someone see the finished product. 2.) When I am building something or accomplishing a goal, I don't want an onslaught of questions based on an external timeline I didn't build. I will complete my objectives on my time and with my focus.

Succinctly put, the less people know, the less they can ruin. This is not to say that I don't have a few people that I bounce ideas off of, but I am very careful. People shift and one can't be too observant of these changes.

Privacy is one of the best and most inexpensive luxuries. Mystery is good. No matter what you give the world, there's nothing wrong with keeping a little back for yourself. In this poker game called life, I choose to keep a few aces up my sleeve.