Friendships are a wonderful thing. Friends are the people that you share your best and worst times with. It's only natural that sometimes an attraction develops between one or both parties. The question is, is this ever a good idea?
I often hear couples say that they married their best friend or that they were friends before they entered a romantic relationship. Reality forces me to take of my rose colored shades and wonder if this is a good idea. I've seen many a bad ending to a relationship between friends. They can't be near each other, every social gathering is made awkward by them, and their mutual friends try desperately not to take sides.
The next thing to consider is the friendship itself. When it's over, can you go back to being friends? I was recently asked if I could ever be friends with an ex, in particular, an ex that was once one of my best friends. I answered him honestly.
"No. My relationships don't allow for that," I replied.
As my mind drifted back, I remembered trying to be his friend after taking a week or so to clear my head. The way I viewed it was that he was my best friend before he was my boyfriend. It would be unfair to leave him in the deep end with no life jacket. However, he made this impossible. Almost every time I saw him he was disrespectful. We even got into a screaming match once. Thankfully, we are civil to each other now. We have many of the same friends. I can be in a room with him, but I'm not bothered with him. He simply isn't in my universe. We aren't friends and we never will be. At least, not on my end. I have a better chance of winning a gold medal in men's gymnastics than trying to strike up a friendship with him again. I am not afraid to say that our breakup was one of the worst things I've ever experienced. That being said, I don't regret it. His weakness made me stronger.
A romantic relationship with a friend can be wonderful. It can be the best of both worlds. However, going into it, you need to be realistic in acknowledging the benefits and disadvantages of this kind of relationship. I won't say I'd never date a friend, but given my previous experience, I'm gun shy. A friendship isn't worth ruining because of an impulse.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Roll Up the Partition, Please!
Everyone needs privacy. There are elements to each of our lives that are only for us and a select few. Why is it the harder you try to keep your life private, others try to make it public?
As I have mentioned before, I like my privacy. At work, I talk about my personal life with very few people. My office is a hub for gossip. I remember once, my then boyfriend picked me up from work some of the office busybodies wondered who he was.
"Who was that guy who picked you up yesterday? asked one.
I felt like a slide under a microscope. When will people learn that there are certain things they shouldn't ask? Our relationship was still in the early stages and I didn't care to divulge too much.
"Someone that I know," I replied vaguely.
My opinion has always been that people can assume what ever they want. They're going to anyway. Most importantly, you don't have to give them the confession. Luckily, my co-worker went back to her desk and left me to myself. I confess, nosey people drive me crazy.
I can think of another time when Liza donated money to her sorority anonymously. The chapter advisor at the time decided to put the amount that Liza donated in the chapter's newsletter. Liza was absolutely seething. She believes, as I do, that the best contributions are quiet, not advertised. She was put off by the advisor's gauche behavior.
Privacy is something that everyone needs. Everyone has a public life, but they should also have a private life. In this age of social media and over sharing, privacy is becoming a thing of the past. The best way to deal with it is to etch out privacy whenever you can . You deserve that.
As I have mentioned before, I like my privacy. At work, I talk about my personal life with very few people. My office is a hub for gossip. I remember once, my then boyfriend picked me up from work some of the office busybodies wondered who he was.
"Who was that guy who picked you up yesterday? asked one.
I felt like a slide under a microscope. When will people learn that there are certain things they shouldn't ask? Our relationship was still in the early stages and I didn't care to divulge too much.
"Someone that I know," I replied vaguely.
My opinion has always been that people can assume what ever they want. They're going to anyway. Most importantly, you don't have to give them the confession. Luckily, my co-worker went back to her desk and left me to myself. I confess, nosey people drive me crazy.
I can think of another time when Liza donated money to her sorority anonymously. The chapter advisor at the time decided to put the amount that Liza donated in the chapter's newsletter. Liza was absolutely seething. She believes, as I do, that the best contributions are quiet, not advertised. She was put off by the advisor's gauche behavior.
Privacy is something that everyone needs. Everyone has a public life, but they should also have a private life. In this age of social media and over sharing, privacy is becoming a thing of the past. The best way to deal with it is to etch out privacy whenever you can . You deserve that.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
I Won't Tell
Secrets are something that everyone has. Sometimes they are small, while other times they define us. Most importantly, secrets are meant to be kept. What happens when they aren't?
I am a very private person. I'm an extrovert, but I keep many things to myself. If I am close to someone, I disclose more. Over the years, I have had various friendships. Some have lasted. Some have not. One thing that has stood the test of time, is my feeling on secrets. Even when friendships have ended, I've never told the secrets I kept for that person. It would be a violation of the friendship we once had.
Sometimes secrets don't have to be shared. Sometimes they are things that are noticed or observed. The person in question thinks that they are keeping something from you, when the truth is they couldn't be more obvious. I have observed two people who clearly are acting on an attraction, float around our social circle pretending to be only platonic. Oh please. I didn't say anything. It wasn't my business to tell. Others knew also. It was one of the worst kept secrets in the Northern Hemisphere.
As I said, I am no stranger to having secrets. I have enough to fill a luggage trunk. Our secrets make us human. Would our friends continue to be our friends if they knew everything? I've had my secrets told on a few occasions. They were secrets that I could bounce back from. However, the experience taught me to be more careful. Most importantly, I've learned to get information on the person that I am disclosing to. You have to protect yourself.
Secrets are tricky things. Some are time released and others should be kept until you are on your deathbed. How you deal with them are up to you. What secrets am I hiding? A magician never tells.
I am a very private person. I'm an extrovert, but I keep many things to myself. If I am close to someone, I disclose more. Over the years, I have had various friendships. Some have lasted. Some have not. One thing that has stood the test of time, is my feeling on secrets. Even when friendships have ended, I've never told the secrets I kept for that person. It would be a violation of the friendship we once had.
Sometimes secrets don't have to be shared. Sometimes they are things that are noticed or observed. The person in question thinks that they are keeping something from you, when the truth is they couldn't be more obvious. I have observed two people who clearly are acting on an attraction, float around our social circle pretending to be only platonic. Oh please. I didn't say anything. It wasn't my business to tell. Others knew also. It was one of the worst kept secrets in the Northern Hemisphere.
As I said, I am no stranger to having secrets. I have enough to fill a luggage trunk. Our secrets make us human. Would our friends continue to be our friends if they knew everything? I've had my secrets told on a few occasions. They were secrets that I could bounce back from. However, the experience taught me to be more careful. Most importantly, I've learned to get information on the person that I am disclosing to. You have to protect yourself.
Secrets are tricky things. Some are time released and others should be kept until you are on your deathbed. How you deal with them are up to you. What secrets am I hiding? A magician never tells.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
In God We Trust?
No matter what spiritual belief you hold, it should be something that is sacred. There is nothing worse than falsely believing something that guides you and your life. How terrible is it then, when someone uses faith for financial gain?
My friend, Liza's stepmother, has a brother that converted to Judaism along with his family because most of his clients are Jewish. He felt that it would be more lucrative and give him a competitive edge. Huh? Most importantly, how despicable is that? When Liza told me this I was offended on a few fronts. I was also disturbed about his matter of fact approach, as though this wasn't immoral. I'm all for capitalism, but this is too far.
As I've mentioned, I converted to Orthodox Christianity almost three years ago. I did it because it was where I felt closest to God. I didn't do it in hopes of financial or social gain. To be honest, the thought wouldn't have occurred to me. If he converted because he felt that this was his best move spiritually (i.e. Sammy Davis, Jr.). I would understand. This sadly wasn't his motive.
Faith and spirituality are part of the human experience. The motive behind your faith if you choose to have a sense of it, should be pure. After all, in affairs of the soul, isn't that the point?
My friend, Liza's stepmother, has a brother that converted to Judaism along with his family because most of his clients are Jewish. He felt that it would be more lucrative and give him a competitive edge. Huh? Most importantly, how despicable is that? When Liza told me this I was offended on a few fronts. I was also disturbed about his matter of fact approach, as though this wasn't immoral. I'm all for capitalism, but this is too far.
As I've mentioned, I converted to Orthodox Christianity almost three years ago. I did it because it was where I felt closest to God. I didn't do it in hopes of financial or social gain. To be honest, the thought wouldn't have occurred to me. If he converted because he felt that this was his best move spiritually (i.e. Sammy Davis, Jr.). I would understand. This sadly wasn't his motive.
Faith and spirituality are part of the human experience. The motive behind your faith if you choose to have a sense of it, should be pure. After all, in affairs of the soul, isn't that the point?
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Pass That Dutch
The dating rituals have changed from what they were. One continuous topic for debate is who is supposed to pay. Who pays on a date?
I am very modern, but my core still holds old fashioned principles. On a date, I believe a man should pay. I can take myself out. I refuse to believe I'm not worth a movie ticket or a plate of food. Also, what if his company is terrible and I've paid my own way? I've paid for a bad time. No thanks. I remember, I was on a date once and a guy waited until the bill came to say something about splitting it. He said nothing about it before hand.
"Do you want to go Dutch," he said looking at the bill.
"No, thanks. I'm American," I quipped.
"I mean, splitting the bill," he said looking up.
"I know. Still no."
"Oh," he replied.
I think it goes without saying, I never talked to him again. Good riddance to bad garbage. He asked me out. What kind of gentleman does that?
My freshman year of college, I was at a restaurant with a date on Valentine's Day when this topic arose in a most unsavory way. After the bill was paid, my date asked what I was doing after dinner. I told him I could hang out a little longer but I had an early class. When I asked why he asked, his response floored me.
"Well, I just paid for all this food. So you know..."
"Excuse me? !"
"I'm just saying. This restaurant isn't cheap."
I confess, he wore my cosmopolitan home on his nice light blue shirt. I didn't typically throw drinks, but he deserved it. He was not being a gentleman.
Though dating protocol changes as the wind blows, it all depends on what you're comfortable with. Even in nature, most male animals of various species can't mate unless they provide shelter and food for the female and her future offspring. Aren't I superior to an animal?
I am very modern, but my core still holds old fashioned principles. On a date, I believe a man should pay. I can take myself out. I refuse to believe I'm not worth a movie ticket or a plate of food. Also, what if his company is terrible and I've paid my own way? I've paid for a bad time. No thanks. I remember, I was on a date once and a guy waited until the bill came to say something about splitting it. He said nothing about it before hand.
"Do you want to go Dutch," he said looking at the bill.
"No, thanks. I'm American," I quipped.
"I mean, splitting the bill," he said looking up.
"I know. Still no."
"Oh," he replied.
I think it goes without saying, I never talked to him again. Good riddance to bad garbage. He asked me out. What kind of gentleman does that?
My freshman year of college, I was at a restaurant with a date on Valentine's Day when this topic arose in a most unsavory way. After the bill was paid, my date asked what I was doing after dinner. I told him I could hang out a little longer but I had an early class. When I asked why he asked, his response floored me.
"Well, I just paid for all this food. So you know..."
"Excuse me? !"
"I'm just saying. This restaurant isn't cheap."
I confess, he wore my cosmopolitan home on his nice light blue shirt. I didn't typically throw drinks, but he deserved it. He was not being a gentleman.
Though dating protocol changes as the wind blows, it all depends on what you're comfortable with. Even in nature, most male animals of various species can't mate unless they provide shelter and food for the female and her future offspring. Aren't I superior to an animal?
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Idle Chatter
Small talk is unavoidable. Usually people deal with it to be polite. How do you deal with being bored to tears by a conversation?
I am extrovert, so I love talking. However, inane banter chafes me. Especially, when someone deems it necessary to talk to me about absolutely nothing. As I have said before, I watch my weight and try live a healthy life. I don't obsess about it. That being said, when someone scrutinizes food and tries to put me in the conversation, it is beyond irritating. I once was in a conversation about mall walking for 5 minutes. Can you say Zsa Zsa Gaboring?
I like children, though I don't want any. That being said, I don't want to spend 15 minutes discussing new developments of your toddler. I am 29 and single, there are better things I could be talking about.
As the song goes, everybody talks. If your words don't amount to anything, it's just hot air. If you have the urge to make meaningless small talk with someone, do both of you a favor: don't.
I am extrovert, so I love talking. However, inane banter chafes me. Especially, when someone deems it necessary to talk to me about absolutely nothing. As I have said before, I watch my weight and try live a healthy life. I don't obsess about it. That being said, when someone scrutinizes food and tries to put me in the conversation, it is beyond irritating. I once was in a conversation about mall walking for 5 minutes. Can you say Zsa Zsa Gaboring?
I like children, though I don't want any. That being said, I don't want to spend 15 minutes discussing new developments of your toddler. I am 29 and single, there are better things I could be talking about.
As the song goes, everybody talks. If your words don't amount to anything, it's just hot air. If you have the urge to make meaningless small talk with someone, do both of you a favor: don't.
Friday, April 4, 2014
More Cheese with Your Whine?
We all complain. Venting is a natural human reaction to an unpleasant occurrence. At some point it goes from healthy to just plain irritating. When does venting become whining?
When I was little, I wasn't allowed whine. My grandfather, who was a reasonable person, had no patience for endless complaining. In his mind, after you get out your initial complaint, you ought to be looking for a solution. As an adult, I'm grateful for this because when I am faced with a problem, my first thought is on how to fix it. This is not standard behavior. Unfortunately, we live in an age where people would rather complain than remedy a problem.
When I was in college, whining was all too common. Some of my associates would complain about anything. From class to their boyfriend, nothing was off limits. It was annoying. Don't think that ladies are the only guilty party. In this day and age whining is for the boys too. I have had a few boyfriends who crabbed endlessly about things they had no intention on fixing. At least with colleagues your can avoid this, but when it's your significant other, it is constant.
My grandfather used to put an end to my whining by saying, "Don't invite me to your pity party!" That being said, just because your invited to a pity party, doesn't mean you have to attend.
When I was little, I wasn't allowed whine. My grandfather, who was a reasonable person, had no patience for endless complaining. In his mind, after you get out your initial complaint, you ought to be looking for a solution. As an adult, I'm grateful for this because when I am faced with a problem, my first thought is on how to fix it. This is not standard behavior. Unfortunately, we live in an age where people would rather complain than remedy a problem.
When I was in college, whining was all too common. Some of my associates would complain about anything. From class to their boyfriend, nothing was off limits. It was annoying. Don't think that ladies are the only guilty party. In this day and age whining is for the boys too. I have had a few boyfriends who crabbed endlessly about things they had no intention on fixing. At least with colleagues your can avoid this, but when it's your significant other, it is constant.
My grandfather used to put an end to my whining by saying, "Don't invite me to your pity party!" That being said, just because your invited to a pity party, doesn't mean you have to attend.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
30 Shades of Hooray!
They say that 30 is the new 20, but is it? Most importantly, would you really want to be 20 again? Why is turning 30 such a dreaded experience?
In June, I turn 30. Oddly enough, I'm excited. Your 20's are fun, but they are also scary. You not only think you're invincible, but you have no prior experience to prove otherwise. You make countless mistakes. I know I have.
Currently, at 29, I feel happy. I have taken some knocks and have been made stronger because of it. I have begun improving myself both physically and mentally. I know what I have to put up with and what I don't. To be frank, I think I'm a lot more attractive now than five years ago. I've lost weight and cleared out useless clutter both mentally and externally. I believe that my 30th year will continue to bring insight and confidence. I like what's in the mirror.
In the past year I've heard, "You don't look your age," many times. Turning 30 is not a death sentence. There are so many breakthroughs in science, diet and exercise that there is no reason to age poorly.
I fully intend to improve my mind, body and spirit. I'm not worried about staying youthful. My parents have good genes, so that takes a load off of my mind. Thirty is a great number. I welcome this new phase in my life. Come what may, I'm ready. Bring on the big three-oh!
In June, I turn 30. Oddly enough, I'm excited. Your 20's are fun, but they are also scary. You not only think you're invincible, but you have no prior experience to prove otherwise. You make countless mistakes. I know I have.
Currently, at 29, I feel happy. I have taken some knocks and have been made stronger because of it. I have begun improving myself both physically and mentally. I know what I have to put up with and what I don't. To be frank, I think I'm a lot more attractive now than five years ago. I've lost weight and cleared out useless clutter both mentally and externally. I believe that my 30th year will continue to bring insight and confidence. I like what's in the mirror.
In the past year I've heard, "You don't look your age," many times. Turning 30 is not a death sentence. There are so many breakthroughs in science, diet and exercise that there is no reason to age poorly.
I fully intend to improve my mind, body and spirit. I'm not worried about staying youthful. My parents have good genes, so that takes a load off of my mind. Thirty is a great number. I welcome this new phase in my life. Come what may, I'm ready. Bring on the big three-oh!
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