No Dumping

 As a human beings, we need to vent or get things off our chest. We rely on our friends and peers to be a listening ear when the world doesn't make sense to us. The question is: At what point does it become stop being constructive and become emotional dumping and ceaseless whining?

By nature, I try to listen and find solutions for friends and associates. I believe every problem has multiple solutions. It simply depends on what route you would like to take. As I've gotten older, I've realized many people don't want a solution. Fixing the problems in their life would give them nothing to complain about. They would prefer to complain and burden you mentally, leaving them to walk away "lighter".

The pandemic forced me to focus on the way that I feel and in turn my external relationships. It made me stop and analyze the people I was communicating with before the lockdown happened. What seemed obvious to me was that some of the "problems" weren't actually issues at all. On a broader level, some of the problems were self created. However, when I internalized them they became my surrogate issues.

I can think of one person in particular who used every social opportunity to "unload". No matter where I saw him, if we talked for any length of time, he had some sort of dilemma or problem. I would listen, while quietly observing that these issues were self made. It got to the point where I dreaded seeing him coming because I knew what was going to come out of it. One of the times that I ran into him in 2019, I stated to him that his current problem could be something he'd created. He paused for a moment and replied, "Probably". He kept going with his complaint as though I hadn't said anything at all. I was done. I wasn't being supportive. I was being used. I was an emotional landfill for people to dump their toxic feelings. It was in that moment, I was done. I decided that if a conversation was not constructive or solution based, I wouldn't be part of it. 

As 2021 continues, I have come to value and realize the importance of my own mental health and stability. I will still acknowledge those that I care about, but rampant self absorption and whining is not something I will deal with. Finding a solution is a choice. If whining is your solution, you'll have to do it away from me.