None of Your Friend's Business

     A relationship is a complex and dynamic arrangement. It is a dichotomy between two people that no one outside of it will ever understand. Not even the friends of the respective parties. So when the relationship ends it doesn't need to be complicated by questions from your ex's friends and those associated with them.

    When my last boyfriend and I split, I was ready for a fresh start. I was more self aware and tired of being in a relationship with someone who couldn't see past their own delusions of grandeur. About 10 minutes after our break up, I deleted his phone number and changed my status on Facebook. I wasn't his girlfriend in real life, so I saw no point in pretending on the World Wide Web. All I was interested in was moving forward with my life. Not even 5 minutes after my change of status on Facebook, I received a phone call from one of my ex boyfriend's good friends. I am sure that she meant well, but the questions that would have come out of that phone call were not ones that needed to be answered. When I end a relationship, the last thing I want to do is dissect it endlessly, especially with that person's close friend. While she and I get along, he is her friend. Her loyalty would and should lie with him.

     Even at church a week later I wasn't safe. One of his business associates stopped me to tell me that he'd seen him the day before.

     "He's not my boyfriend anymore."

     "I just saw him yesterday and he didn't say anything."
  
     "I can't account for all that," I said with a smile as I slowly sipped my coffee.

     Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I was visiting my friend, Liza and her adorable children, Anderson and Allison. Her husband, Declan was still at work. I heard my phone ring from inside my purse. I didn't recognize the number and against my better judgment answered the call.

     "Hello?"

     "Hey, it's Winnie."

     (You may remember her from my very first blog post as the hostess of the holiday party.)

     "How are you?" she asked.

     "Good. And yourself?"

     I hadn't spoken to this woman in months, so I was a little confused as to why she was all of a sudden reaching out to me.

     "I'm doing well. So, what happened with you two?"

     All I could think was that this had to be some type of joke. Are you kidding me? First off, this woman is in her mid-fifties. She knows better. Secondly, my ex is her best friend. He walked her down the aisle at her wedding to her husband, James. I'm sure he's given his side. I refused to get into the pots and pans of our relationship. I believe in the PR motto: "Tell them everything, but tell them nothing."

     "We're not together, so I'll leave it that," I nonchalantly replied.

     "He says he hasn't seen you around downtown. He says you just vanished."

     I was quietly seething. It was as though he was implying that our break up sent me screaming into my apartment seeking a life of reclusion. Wrong on all counts. I still go downtown and spend time with my friends. My social life is still quite active. He and I both live in my city's downtown, so it isn't unlikely that I will see hm. The difference is I don't look for him. Further more; God has not yet created the man that can make me leave somewhere that I want to be. This goes back to his inflated sense of self, which needless to say is part of the reason for the break up in the first place.

     Winnie said she wanted to do lunch. I have no plans on that ever occurring. I don't wish to engage in "Ex Fest 2013". As if that weren't enough, she asked if I was "looking" for another boyfriend. To which I said no. You look for jobs, not boyfriends. Then, adding insult to injury, she asked if I wanted to date her friend that she had in the car with her. This was not only rude but creepy. To attempt to set up your best friend's ex with other people is just weird. I couldn't get off the phone with her fast enough. I was completely caught off guard by both the call and her unbridled crassness.

     A month after he and I broke up, I got an unexpected call from his mother, who hadn't talked to him since her birthday in July. When I informed her that we were broken up and that I would not be talking to him now or ever again in life, she asked what had happened. I informed her that I was not going to discuss it. She said something very telling to me. She said, "I thought you could fix him." Had she told me months ago that her son was "broken" she could have saved me time and I could have left months earlier. She asked how I felt about our break up. I told her I was happy with it. I lied. The truth is I was ecstatic, but I felt it would be rude to tell his mother that.

     When two people split up, unless otherwise asked, stay as far out of their affairs as humanly possible. You definitely shouldn't "squeeze" their ex for information no matter how civil you are with them. It's rude and intrusive. If you and your friend's ex are on good terms, leave it at that. If you're meant to know, you will.